Through the Darkness
by MyImmortal329
Summary: After Michaela is physically and emotionally assaulted, she must try to find herself again. Will her best friend Sully be able to help her, or will she slip further into turmoil? Read and Review!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to the characters of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The show and the characters belong to Beth Sullivan and to CBS/A&E. **

**Author's Note: This story contains sensitive subject matter and follows a long journey of healing for one character. **

**Through the Darkness  
Part 1**

**Chapter 1**

Every day at four o'clock, he would meet her in the park at the same bench. It had become routine ever since they'd met the day he'd saved her from nearly being trampled by a runaway horse barreling down the cobblestone street. He wasn't from wealth and class like her, but she saw past all that. Her mother didn't, but she and her father did. Still, to avoid conflict, every day after her rounds at the hospital, she would come to the park and wait for him, and they would sit and talk for hours about their lives and about their dreams.

He was saving up to go out West and start a life of building houses and taking in the beauty and stillness of pure nature. She was a new doctor, fresh out of medical school and working with her father at the local hospital. She was saving up her own money so that when the time came, she was going to go where she was needed, despite the fact that she was criticized everywhere she went for being a woman doing a man's job.

He always listened to her and let her vent her frustrations with her work environment, and she listened to him tell stories of his work around Boston doing odds and ends jobs just to make ends meet. He lived in a small room above a grocery store, and he made up for his stay by doing repair work around the building. The grocer, Mr. Mercer, was nice enough, always sending him off at the end of the day with a loaf of bread, a sack of apples, and some dried beef, if he was lucky. Sometimes he brought these things with him to the park and shared with Michaela, knowing she was always hungry after rounds. But today, she didn't show up, and he grew concerned.

Wiping his hands on his pants, he got up to retire to the room above the store. He figured he'd meet her tomorrow, but something inside of him told him that if he wanted to see her, he might have to go to her in the one place he was least wanted. Deciding to wait it out and see if she turned up tomorrow, he retrieved an apple out of the sack and took a big, juicy bite. The sweetness of the fruit reminded him of the scent that lingered on her skin, even after a long day at work. He couldn't help but shiver, thinking about the fragrance of her perfume on the breeze on a warm day. It was enough to make his heart pound.

He'd fallen for her the first day he met her, and he knew it, but he could never admit it to her. He had a hard enough time admitting it to himself. They were friends, as far as Michaela was concerned. Good friends. Friendship was all he could ever expect to have with a woman of her class and wealth, and even _that_ was lucky. He felt blessed to know her, but he also knew that had she not almost been run over by a horse, he might never have had the courage to literally sweep her off of her feet.

Luckily, she hadn't thanked him with a slap in the face or a swift upturn of the head as she walked away, like he'd seen some wealthy ladies do when a man of his class so much as put a finger on her. She'd thanked him over and over again, asking him if there was anything she could do in turn to repay him, and from then on out, they began their meetings in the park, slowly getting to know each other with one or two visits a week. But it had been a daily occurrence for more than a month now, and not seeing her there at their usual time was a bit worrisome. Still, he walked on, hoping he'd see her tomorrow.

* * *

The unthinkable had happened, and neither Josef Quinn nor his wife Elizabeth could comprehend it. Their daughter, a lovely, young and beautiful woman, had just been brought home in an awful mess. She was battered, bruised, bleeding. It had been too much for Elizabeth, who had nearly fainted at the sight of her daughter. Josef had had to take her into the other room and then attend to his daughter. But, she had locked herself up in her room, unwilling to talk to anyone.

It was two of her co-workers, Clara Jones, a nurse, and Jim Montgomery, one of Michaela's fellow physicians and a rival of hers from the beginning of medical school, who had brought her home in a carriage. They'd found her in an alley behind the hospital, but she'd insisted on being brought home.

"Why didn't you take her back into the hospital?" Josef asked angrily, as the two stood, dumbfounded before him, both obviously shaken up by the experience.

"Sir," Jim said quietly, "she didn't want to go in there. She was terrified." He paused, losing Josef's attention. "You need to know something." Josef snapped his attention back at the doctor. "I regret what I did, and…and I need you to know that I…I...I hit your daughter." In a fit of emotions, Josef grabbed the younger man by the collar.

"You what?!" Elizabeth barked, stepping forward. "How dare you put a hand on my daughter?"

"I got upset…very angry. I just…I did something I shouldn't have…but I didn't do this. I swear to you, I didn't."

"Why should we believe a word you've said?" Josef asked, pinning Jim to the wall. "You have no right to lay a hand on my daughter! Now look what's happened!"

"I didn't. I swear to God, I didn't do it."

"He didn't. He was with me," Clara said with a nod. "Even Michaela could tell you…"

"Go. Get out of this house," Elizabeth said angrily. "Just leave." Josef reluctantly let Jim go, but he reminded himself that he was going to take care of this with the hospital board as soon as he could. Both Jim and Clara left, and Josef and Elizabeth turned to one another. Elizabeth held onto him, crying on his shoulder.

"How could this happen to our little girl, Josef?" Josef just held her. "I want to talk to her. I need to know what…" Josef consoled his wife. She wasn't normally an emotional woman, but this had set her right over the edge.

"She needs to be alone right now."

"She certainly does not!" Elizabeth exclaimed. "She needs her mother…"

"Elizabeth, you know Michaela. She's going to want to be alone. She wants to think. You think I don't want to run up those stairs and scoop her up in my arms like I used to when she was a little girl…reassure her everything's alright? It's killing me that someone did this to her…that somebody could even think to do this to her. But we have to give her some time. She's going to want to talk to us, but right now, she's going to want to be alone."

"I can't stand to think of her being so alone…"

"Our girl's strong, Elizabeth. She's a very strong young woman." Elizabeth began to sob into her hands, and Josef held his wife to keep her from collapsing. As much as he was trying to be strong right now, all he really wanted to do was break down too. It wasn't fair. It never was for anyone, but this time, he wasn't the doctor with a victimized patient. He was a father with a daughter who was going to need her family's support now more than ever. Michaela was going to have a long, emotional battle, and he only prayed that her battle wouldn't also be a physical one.

* * *

She sat against the heavy, oak door of her room, crumpled on the floor, her dress in disarray, her hair falling out of the pins that had held it in a tight up-do. Her reddened face was streaked with tears, and a trickle of blood was dried under her nose. The ache was turning numb throughout her body for now, but it wouldn't last long, and she knew it.

She struggled to pull off her shoes, laced so tightly that she was now aware that she could feel her pulse in her toes. She kicked the black, scuffed shoes aside and stood up in front of her mirror, examining the damage.

Her dress had a few rips, but other than that, it hid the damage very well. Wincing, she slipped out of her dress and under garments, standing in front of the mirror. Her eyes squinted to try to spare herself from seeing the true damage. Large, dark bruises were forming on her inner thighs, where he'd held her legs apart so firmly. Her wrists and upper arms were marked with his touch, and she had a harsh bruise across the sternum from where he'd pinned her to the ground as he began his assault. Blood was dried to her inner thighs too, and she sucked in a sharp breath at the brutal sight.

"Miss Michaela?" Martha's sorrow-filled voice echoed from the hall. "Your bath's ready." Josef had ordered that his daughter be given everything she needed, though he knew that a hot bath wasn't going to wash away the pain of what had happened to her tonight.

"Thank you, Martha," she managed to croak out, her voice raw from crying. "I'll be out in a few moments."

She slowly sat down on the edge of her bed, wincing from the pain as she did so. It only made her stomach wrench to think about what he had done to her, what he'd taken from her with brute force. He'd been so strong, and she couldn't hold him off.

She'd always considered herself such a strong, self-sufficient woman, and to have something like this happen was like taking everything she knew about herself and completely throwing it out the window. She'd been crippled in that moment, unable to breathe, think, or move, as he became heavy on top of her, forcing her to feel every bit of pain as he took away her innocence.

It kept playing over and over in her mind, and she couldn't shake it. She knew it would be there, burned in her memory for the rest of her life.

* * *

"_I'm heading out for the day," Michaela said cheerfully as she placed her last patient's chart in the cabinet. One of the nurses grinned at her._

"_Going to meet that young man again?"_

"_What young man?"_

"_The handsome one that you meet in the park every day!" she said with a smile._

"_Well, not that it's your business," Michaela laughed, "but yes. We're supposed to meet again today."_

"_It sounds like you two are good friends. I've even heard your father speaking highly of him."_

"_My father's much less judgmental than my mother," Michaela remarked, gathering her things. "Besides, he's grateful to Sully for rescuing me from the horse that day. I was so busy reading one of my medical texts that I didn't look up." The nurse just gave her a look, and Michaela blushed. Clara was always jumping to conclusions, especially in the subject of men. Just because Sully was becoming a good friend didn't mean there was anything between them. Besides, why was everyone so surprised when she told them about Sully? Just because he wasn't rich and didn't have family didn't mean he wasn't a good person!_

"_What are you women yammering about?" came a stern voice from the doorway. Dr. Jim Montgomery was a handsome doctor about five years her senior. He was a favorite amongst the nurses for his winning smile and flirtatious behavior. Still, he was not someone to cross paths with, and he was not a fan of Dr. Michaela Quinn, mostly because she was a woman who'd bested him in nearly every subject since day one of medical school._

"_Nothing, Dr. Montgomery," Clara said with a quiver in her voice. _

"_I was just leaving," Michaela said, eyeing the doctor, disdain thick in her voice. He had been in her graduating class, having joined medical school a bit late in the game. He'd been competitive with her from the get go, always frustrated from being bested by a woman. He'd even tried to get her into trouble with the Dean a few times, though she could never prove it was him. Still, Michaela had come out of medical school with top grades and the favor her more open-minded professors. There weren't as many of them as she would have liked, but a few was a good start, right?_

"_When are you going to learn, Miss Quinn?" he asked. _

"_Dr. Quinn," she said through gritted teeth._

"_Oh, of course." He rolled his eyes a little. "Well, if you're going to be a respected doctor, you shouldn't be socializing with the help." He nodded toward the offended nurse. Clara, knowing better than to say anything, only looked away and busied herself with arranging patient charts. Michaela, however, took great offense to this._

"_Perhaps, Dr. Montgomery, you might wish to re-think your comment, and even apologize to Clara. After all, without nurses in this large hospital, we doctors would not have the sufficient materials ready and waiting when we need them, and our success rate for saving patients would probably go on a decline. Without our nurses…" Jim rolled his eyes._

"_Oh, do save me the lecture. Go ahead, get in good standing with the nurses. You're practically one of them anyway," he snorted, turning quickly on his feet and heading out into the hall._

"_You didn't have to do that, you know," Clara said quietly._

"_He had no right to talk to you that way," Michaela replied quickly, a bitter tone in her voice. "He's competent as a doctor, but sometimes what a patient really needs to help them feel better is a doctor's good bedside manner. If he treats his nurses this way, think of how he must treat the poor people who come through here every day without money to pay for the care they need." She shook her head. "That's why some day, I'm going to have my own clinic. I won't turn anybody away." Clara shifted uncomfortably, as if trying to decide on whether or not to say something to the lady doctor. Michaela eyed her curiously._

"_I saw a mother and her baby turned away today, because they suspected influenza. I specifically heard Dr. Montgomery…"_

"_What? What did he say, Clara? Tell me." Clara lowered her voice._

"_He told her to go down the street to the shelter. He said we didn't need an epidemic on our hands." Frustrated, Michaela clenched her fists. The whole purpose of being a doctor was to preserve life, not turn ill people away!_

"_That's it," Michaela said angrily. "He can't get away with this!"_

"_Please, don't tell him I said anything! You know he has the power to have me fired."_

"_I won't let that happen, Clara. Trust me." Clara only nodded, uncertain of what the lady doctor was going to do. Michaela stormed out into the hall after Dr. Montgomery. A few passing nurses gave one another a look that said that Michaela Quinn was about to cause a scene by standing up for the" little people", which she so often did. "Dr. Montgomery!" He stopped in his tracks in the hall._

"_What now, Miss Quinn?"_

"_Dr. Quinn!" she spat. _

"_Oh, once again…my mistake." He gave her an arrogant smile and looked down at her. Michaela thought hard about yelling at him for being so condescending toward her, but right now, that wasn't as important._

"_How dare you turn away patients in need?"_

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_A woman and her child came in this morning with symptoms of influenza?" Michaela said in a questioning tone, trying to spark his memory._

"_Oh, that's right," he said, brushing it off with a shrug. "That's simple. I didn't want to create another epidemic. Surely you understand that, doctor_._"_

"_Simple?" Michaela asked, aghast. "You realize that by turning her out to the shelter down the road, they're going to have an epidemic of their own on their hands? And many of them will die!"_

"_Well, that's far less trash for the rest of us to pick up after." Michaela could only stand there, dumbfounded by the scathing words of her male colleague. _

"_You are the most rude, unkind…" He grabbed her by the wrist. "Take your hands off me!"_

"_Let's talk about this privately. You're causing a scene!" He nodded toward the doctor's lounge. Michaela reluctantly turned, and he followed her in, closing the door behind them. The lounge was empty, and when Michaela heard the lock on the door click, she turned, the anger fading from her eyes only to be replaced by fright._

"_What are you doing?"_

"_You need to calm down, doctor," he said sternly. "You've done nothing but cause scenes since you began working here."_

"_If you recall, Dr. Montgomery, we both started working here at the same time, and these 'scenes,' as you call them, were only my sticking up for what I believe is right."_

"_Nobody cares what you have to say or what you believe. You're a woman, and you were only accepted as a medical student and as an employee of this hospital because of who your father is. Not everybody has that privilege, and not everybody feels like you should be here."_

"_I worked hard to be where I am today," Michaela defended._

"_Yes, you certainly did," he scoffed. "You worked hard at making everybody look like fools. Thinking you always had the answer. Well, let me tell you, women are to be seen and not heard. You think you're something special, Miss Quinn? Well I'm going to let you in on a little something. The only thing you're ever going to be good for is being somebody's whore, which is the only way you're ever going to make it in the medical world." Michaela's eyes widened at his words. _

"_How dare you? You have no right to speak that way to me."_

"_I have every right," he replied, closing in on her. "I'm a man." Michaela took a few steps backward, and she clenched her skirt between her fingers. _

"_Stop," she said._

"_The only way any man's going to keep you around this place is if you keep him happy." Michaela found herself backed up against the wall. "You're worthless, Michaela. And I'm going to knock you off of that high horse you're always riding around on. Miss High-and-Mighty…spoiled little rich girl." He placed his hand on her hip, moving it up to roughly grope her breast._

"_No!" she cried, slapping him across the face. In retaliation to her, he hit her hard across the face as well. She felt a fresh stream of blood spurt from her nose, and he held his hand against her throat, daring her to scream. He started to squeeze her neck, and she shook her head, tears in her eyes. "No, please."_

"_Dr. Montgomery?" A rap at the door and Clara's voice made Jim freeze. _

"_What?" he barked._

"_There's an emergency on three. They need you right away." Jim glared into Michaela's eyes, letting her go. He moved to the door and unlatched it, stepping out and heading toward the stairwell. Clara got a glimpse of Michaela and gasped. "My God! What did he do to you?" Michaela's eyes were watering. She knew he hadn't broken her nose, but she was sore, and she was shaken up._

"_Come on, let's go. I'll clean that for you."_

"_No, I just want to go home," Michaela replied. "I'll be fine." She held a cloth to her nose, anger boiling inside of her. She made a mental note to take this to the board tomorrow, with Clara as a witness. Right now she wanted to go home._

_Clara watched the doctor leave. Michaela went and retrieved her things, continuing to dab at her bleeding nose with the cloth. She finally managed to make it outside and was walking through the alley to get out to the main road, when she felt arms grab her from behind, a hand clasping over her mouth. He spun her around and pinned her to the wall. His face was covered in some sort of black cloth to mask his face, but she could see brown eyes staring right into hers._

"_Don't even try to scream. It'll hurt worse if you fight it." She closed her eyes, her body shaking, her muscles tensing at the thought of what was about to happen to her. She felt like she was going to vomit, but when he pulled her to the ground, pinning her down with such force, she could barely breathe, let alone react to the sickness building up in her stomach. This couldn't be happening. She had to stop it, but she couldn't move. She couldn't even struggle, for the force he held her down with was too strong. Her hands started to beat at his chest, but he only hurt her worse. He held her legs apart violently before pinning one leg down with his knee. With his hands, he held firmly onto her wrists as he finished the assault._

_When it was all over, she lay on the ground in the alley, curled up with her knees to her stomach, sobbing and bleeding. He was running off, a mystery to her, even after what he'd taken from her. All she knew were those angry, brown eyes._

_He left her there, afraid to move, afraid to cry, afraid to do anything that might make him come back and do this to her again. So she lay there, waiting for the pain to stop, waiting to wake up from this horrible nightmare._

* * *

_Clara had been called up to assist Dr. Montgomery in surgery, and now the two were walking out of the hospital, ready to leave for the day. She was still fuming about what he'd done to Michaela._

"_Look, it was the heat of the moment, and I wasn't thinking." Normally he wouldn't have tried to explain himself, but since Clara knew, and since Josef Quinn was Michaela's father and had a lot of pull at the hospital, he thought it best to try to explain himself to anyone who'd listen._

"_I think you were thinking very clearly. You have obvious disdain for Dr. Quinn. You didn't have to hurt her like that."_

"_Even you've said before that a woman doesn't have a place as a doctor."_

"_That's before I got to know her. She's a great doctor and a good woman. She doesn't deserve to be treated like…" Something caught her eye. The dress Michaela had been wearing! It was ripped and bloodied, and Michaela lay in a heap on the ground. Clara gasped, pointing, and Jim looked in that direction. _

"_What…"_

"_It's Michaela," Clara whispered. Both rushed over to her and knelt down on the ground. Jim shook his head._

"_You know this wasn't my doing. You were with me…"_

"_I know. Michaela? Michaela, can you hear me?" Michaela was curled up, shaking and crying uncontrollably._

"_We have to get her back inside."_

"_No," she cried, suddenly._

"_Michaela?"_

"_Home. They can't d…do anything for me." Clara looked at Jim, panicked. "Please…home. My parents…" _

"_We have to get her home."_

_Within a few minutes, Jim was bringing around a carriage, and he helped Clara load Michaela into it. He knew that they probably should take her back inside the hospital, but the blame was going to be pointed on him until it could all be sorted out, so he figured taking her home would be best. At least then he'd have the chance to explain, or think of a way to make sure this didn't get pointed at him, considering his tussle with her just a while earlier._

* * *

Michaela slipped into the hot bath, submerging her bruised body into the tub. She ached all over, but the water was somewhat soothing. She closed her eyes, lying back to try to relax.

She couldn't even comprehend the levity of the situation, but all she knew was that he had done this to her, and she was hurt. She'd seen many cases of women coming into the hospital, obvious victims of abuse and rape. When they hadn't been too terrified to name their rapists, two times out of three, the men would be out of jail in a week's time.

She felt ill at the thought of him doing what he'd done to her and then going off and doing it to someone else. She felt dirty and used, and she knew in her heart that it wasn't her fault. But what was the use in telling? All that would happen would be that it would be exposed, her family would be shamed, and her father's heart would be broken even more than she figured it already was. This man had hurt her, yes, but she didn't want him to hurt her family as well.

She wiped the constant stream of tears away with hot water, but it didn't help. She washed her face and slowly washed the rest of her pained body.

A half hour later, she was pulling herself out of the bath. Tenderly, she toweled off. She found that she was still bleeding, so she found a cloth, folded it over and used it to try to control the bleeding as she was used to doing on a monthly basis. But, she was concerned, because as a doctor, she knew that if the bleeding didn't stop soon, she would have to seek medical attention.

She dressed and quietly slipped to her room, locking the door behind her. She didn't want to talk to anyone right now, and she was grateful that they weren't waiting outside with a hundred different questions. She wanted peace and quiet. As she crawled into bed, she prayed that tomorrow she'd wake up and discover this had only been a very bad dream.

_Please let me know what you think! I'll try to post this with a chapter a day. I'd really appreciate your honest comments! Thank you!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

At around ten the next morning, a knock came to her door. She'd been waiting for it. She hadn't slept. It was impossible to sleep. She knew it was her father just from the knock.

"Mike? Mike, it's me…are…are you alright?" He sounded devastated, and she knew it was because of what happened to her.

"I'm fine, Father."

"May I come in?"

"I'm...I'm not ready to…"

"I understand," he said quickly. "Mike, your Mother and I…we want you to know that we…we love you. There are things we need to discuss about…" Michaela squeezed her eyes shut tightly.

"I know. I'm not ready. I need...I need to rest."

"Of course. I'm staying home today…I'm here if you need me." She could hear him lingering outside of her door, and soon she could hear his footsteps reluctantly retreating downstairs.

When she was confident that he'd left, she got out of bed. Her body ached even more today than yesterday, and when she looked in the mirror, she saw a bruise on her cheek. That, she knew she could cover up. After all, she'd seen her older sister Marjorie do it many times shortly after marrying Everett.

When she removed her gown, she saw the bruises all over her body, darker now than they had been before. The sight brought stinging tears to her eyes, and she winced, touching the tender flesh on her breasts.

She checked to see if the bleeding had stopped, and it had, thank God. She wouldn't need medical attention.

Dressing was a slow process, as she first slipped into her undergarments, trying to lace herself up without too much discomfort. When she realized that she couldn't get her corset on without throbbing pain, she decided to forego it for the day.

But, the closer she got to finishing getting dressed, the more she realized she didn't want to go anywhere today or see anyone. She just wanted to lie in bed and try to get through the pain. So, she carefully undressed, placed her clothes back where they needed to be and slipped back into her gown. She crawled under the covers and let her body be encased by the soft pillows and the downy mattress.

But after a few minutes, another knock came to the door, this one softer, more feminine. It was either her mother or Martha.

"Michaela? Michaela, are you awake?" Michaela lay there in the cool silence, and she pulled her covers over her head, much like she'd done as a child, when she grew frightened in the night. "Michaela? I…I'm here if you need to talk. I want you to know that." She heard her mother walking away, and growing hot under the covers, she tossed the blankets off of her body.

She turned onto her back, looking up at the ceiling, her eyes fixated on the white, bumpy texture. She stared at it, trying to keep her mind off of what had happened. Maybe if she didn't think about it, it would be like it never happened. The rational part of her knew that was impossible, but the distraught part of her wished it could be that way.

She felt herself tearing up again, and she tried to hold it in, trying to be strong. If she was strong, she could get through it, but the more she thought about staying strong, the harder it was; the more it felt as if she couldn't breathe. Her heart pounded in her chest, and her throat began to close up. She choked out a sob, and the tears began to flow. She rolled over, buying her face into her pillow, and she muffled her cries, wishing this bad dream would come to an end.

* * *

Josef and Elizabeth sat in silence at the breakfast table. Martha had made a lovely little feast, but neither felt much like eating. Elizabeth had a constant look upon her face that told that at any minute, she could break down again, crying out of anger and sadness for what had happened to her daughter. This was no strange subject to her. When she was fourteen years old, a man had broken into their home and assaulted her oldest sister, who had to be sent away when she withdrew completely and became unresponsive to any human contact. The thought of it was enough to drive the frightened mother mad with grief. She couldn't stand the idea of having to send Michaela away.

"We have to find a way to help her through this," Elizabeth finally said to her husband. "Josef, she's so frightened, but she has to realize that what happened to her…"

"What happened to her is going to change her forever, Elizabeth. Whoever did this to her…he got away. He's probably going to do it again to someone else. Can you imagine what that must feel like to her? Knowing the man who hurt you is still out there, probably trying to hurt someone else."

"Josef, please," Elizabeth said, placing her fingertips to her temple, gently rubbing small circles there. "I can't even think about that right now." Josef picked up his fork and pushed his eggs around his plate, thinking about what he had to do next. "Josef?"

"Hmm?"

"This is how it started with my sister."

"What?"

"My sister. We left her alone for a while, thinking it was what she needed, but the longer we left her alone, the more she withdrew. We can't let that happen to Michaela. Please…please, go talk to her."

"Elizabeth, what am I supposed to say to her?"

"You're her father! You're the most influential person in her life, Josef. She became a doctor because she looks up to you." He sighed heavily and placed his fork back down.

"I'll go talk to her. There are medical issues that need to be addressed, anyway." Standing, he cleared his throat, and with the sorrow of a heartbroken father, he stated, "we need to be prepared, Elizabeth. We'll need to look for signs of pregnancy." The words froze Elizabeth in her seat, and she felt the tears rising again. Covering her mouth, she stood from her chair and rushed out of the room, too upset to try to comprehend what he'd just told her.

* * *

Michaela heard the rap at her door, and she turned toward it. She slowly got out of bed and pulled her robe tightly around her. Giving herself a once over, she saw that she'd covered her bruises. She knew he knew they were there, but still, she felt better hiding them. The bruise on her cheek was still very faint, and she'd already tried her best to cover it with a powder that Marjorie used to use.

She opened her door, looking her father in the eyes. He looked right into her eyes, seeing that something inside his daughter was broken, and he immediately went into father-mode, wanting to fix it, though he had no idea how. How was he supposed to help her through something like this?

"Mike," he said softly, seeing how tight her jaw was, how strongly clenched her hands were at her robe. She was trying not to break down, but maybe that's what she needed. This façade she was trying to build around herself was crumbling. She was so good at pushing her emotions out of the way in times of crisis. As fragile and vulnerable his daughter looked, Josef still didn't expect her to do what she did next.

Her strong-looking but truthfully very fragile façade came crashing down, and the young woman turned into the little girl that had once cried on her father's shoulder over a scraped knee or a hurtful word tossed her way. "Oh…oh, Mike." He felt a lump grow in his throat, and the instant that his daughter wrapped her arms around his neck, he knew that she was at least one step closer to opening up to him. He held her close, rocking her gently like he used to when she was small enough that he could pick her up and carry her around.

She said nothing, and he led her into the room. She broke away from him and sat down in the chair in front of her vanity mirror. He stood there, a concerned father, his hands fidgeting with the coins in his pocket, uncertain of what to say or do. So he waited for her, but she buried her face in her hands, crying uncontrollably. Finally, he knelt down, a bit stiffly as his knees weren't as young as they used to be. He placed his hand on her shoulder and then he brought her hands down from her face.

"Are you ready to talk about it?" She shook her head. "Mike, you need to talk about it. It's…"

"I can't talk about it," she whispered. "I don't even want to think about it." Josef swallowed hard. Hearing his daughter's muffled cries made him feel suddenly claustrophobic in this room, his daughter's agony pressing in on him from one direction and is desire to help her through it pressing in on the other.

"You need to talk about it, Michaela. If you don't…it'll eat up at you, and…"

"I can't," she said quietly, "there's nothing to tell." She wiped at her eyes. "I was upset. I…" She clenched her eyes shut. "Dr. Montgomery and I…we were arguing. I slapped him, and he hit me."

"He told me," he said angrily. "Michaela, you need to tell me now. Was it Dr. Montgomery?" Michaela closed her eyes, remembering it all.

"He didn't do this to me. The man who did this to me has brown eyes. Angry, brown eyes." She turned her head away. He was taller too." Josef's heart wrenched with grief. Looking for a tall, brown-eyed man in Boston was like looking for a needle in a haystack. "I couldn't see his face. Just his eyes. And then I closed my eyes and didn't dare open them again."

"We'll find him…"

"No we won't. He's long gone by now," she whispered, sobbing between breaths. "Even if I knew who he was, he'd be back on the streets in a month's time."

"Michaela, you don't know that."

"Yes I do, and you know it too." She reached for a handkerchief, wincing in pain at the stretch and pull on her muscles. Her robe fell back a bit, revealing the bruise on her chest. Josef was taken aback.

"Oh my God."

"It's…not as painful as it looks."

"You don't have to be strong for me, Mike." She bit her trembling lower lip, trying to hold back the rest of her tears. He reached over, taking the handkerchief from her.

"We need to get you to the hospital. There are things we need to…to look for."

"No," she said quietly. "There was…" Her face reddened in embarrassment and in anger that she even had to have this conversation. "There was bleeding, but it's stopped. Nothing's broken. I'm just going to be a little sore for a few days. If there's anything else…I'll deal with it when…when the time comes." She hung her head.

"This is nothing to be ashamed of, Mike. You did nothing wrong. Nothing. Do you hear me?"

"I can't help but wonder…what if I'd stayed in the hospital just a few minutes longer?"

"Mike, you couldn't have changed this. He was…a…a predator." She closed her eyes, shaking her head. It wasn't what she needed to hear right now.

"I need to be alone right now," she begged. "Please?"

"Alright," he said quietly, "but you know…you know you need to…to prepare for…"

"I know," she said quietly, shame still thick in her voice.

"Whatever happens, your mother and I…we will make sure everything is taken care of, whatever may come your way." Michaela nodded, unable to think right now. "When you're ready to go back to work, we'll…"

"I'm not going back." Josef was stunned by her revelation, but at the same time, he knew she was going to try to shut out every aspect of her life to avoid thinking about what had happened and where it had happened at.

"What?"

"I can't go back there. I can't be a doctor there anymore."

"Mike, you know this wasn't a doctor…it was…"

"How do you know? We don't know who it was," she whimpered, moving back over to her bed and sitting down. "It could be anybody…anybody with brown eyes…anybody cruel enough to…to do this to someone." Swallowing another lump in his throat, Josef crossed the room to the door.

"I can't say I blame you," he said supportively. "I don't know what to say to fix this. I feel helpless, Mike." She looked up at him with sad eyes, red and puffy from crying.

"So do I," she said, her voice losing the life in its tone with each word. "I'm going to be alright." She said it with such re-assurance, something she'd practiced so often at the hospital, when dealing with the families of patients. She was used to sounding as if it didn't bother her, but Josef knew that inside, she was broken and just wanted to forget it all happened. He knew his daughter well enough to know that hiding her emotions was very common, and that first, she was going to try to deal with it on her own. Of course, knowing what he knew about rape victims and about his daughter, he knew that soon, she'd find it was all too much to handle.

* * *

Four o'clock came and went, and Sully sat on the park bench waiting for her. She wasn't coming, and he knew that. But he also knew, even more than that, that it wasn't because she didn't want to see him anymore. Something was wrong, and he wanted to know what it was.

So, he threw the sack of food over his shoulder and headed out of the park, entering the more esteemed neighborhoods in Boston. Beacon Hill was just ahead, and the closer he got, the more his stomach twisted into knots. He could only hope that Josef would be the one to answer the door.

He stepped foot onto the front steps of the home that he remembered as being Michaela's. He'd only been there once before, only to be chased away by Mrs. Quinn, who thought he was a beggar. Byron Sully might not have had all the money in the world, but he certainly wasn't a beggar!

He placed his sack down on the steps and wiped his sweating hands on his pant legs. Swallowing hard, he took the few steps up to the front door and quietly knocked on it. Expecting to be greeted with a swinging broomstick or a sharp knitting needle, he stepped back, waiting. He was pleasantly surprised when Dr. Josef Quinn answered the door. His face fell, however, when he saw the anguish clearly imprinted in the man's eyes.

"Sully," he said a bit gravely. "What…what brings you by?"

"I wanted to check on Michaela. She hasn't met me for a couple days. I mean…I know you knew she was comin' by…"

"Of course. Of course, son," he said with a nod. "Michaela's been under the weather. She…she might not be out for some time." Sully furrowed his brows in worry.

"Is she ok? I mean…is it serious?"

"I think…I think it'd be best if you came back another time."

"I don't understand. Is she alright?" he asked. "Look, Dr. Quinn, I don't mean to pry, but Michaela's a real good friend of mine, and I'd wanna know if somethin' was really wrong…"

"Look," Josef said in a fatherly tone, "I appreciate your concern for my daughter, but you're going to have to come back some other time. I'm sorry, Sully. I know how close of friends you've become, but I think it's best if you wait a while. Michaela needs her rest." He closed the door slowly, and Sully could see the angst written all over Josef's face. Something was seriously wrong, and he wanted answers. He decided he was going to have to go about getting them himself.

_Thanks for the feedback so far! Please continue to let me know what you think as you read! I'd really appreciate it!_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Sully walked around the neighborhood for quite some time, getting stares from behind lacy white curtains. He was surprised somebody hadn't come to cart him off yet. Still, he kept his eyes on the house, wanting to see a glimpse of her. All he wanted to do was see her face and know that she was alright. The tone of Josef's voice had done nothing to relieve his worries.

Michaela could see him from her window. She now sat in the window seat and stayed back a ways, so he wouldn't see her through the curtain. She needed to talk to him so badly, but she knew that if he were to come into the house, her mother would have a fit, especially after what had happened. Besides, she was quite sure her father was going to become protective and send everyone away. She loved her parents, and while she wanted the privacy, she didn't want to keep Sully away. She knew he'd listen to her, and she could tell him anything. It had been like that since day one, and she was grateful to have such a trusted and trusting friend. Something about looking into his deep, blue eyes made everything else in the world melt away. She could get to the core of her frustrations at work and home with just a single conversation with him. Nobody else could help her that way.

It hadn't been a terribly long time since she'd first met him, but already, he was the best friend she'd ever known. Still, she didn't know how to say the things she needed to say if she was going to tell him what had happened. She was still hurting and angry.

She wanted her rapist to suffer for what he'd done to her, but at the same time, she didn't see how that would ever happen. And she couldn't even fathom a guess at how Sully might react when she told him what had happened to her.

How was a man ever going to look at her the same? How was a man ever going to want her after what this stranger had taken from her? He'd hurt her. He'd hurt her so bad that she didn't know how she was ever going to be able to look at a stranger without some element of fear. How was she going to trust anyone she didn't know? Her father had taught her not to judge people, but now, now she knew she was going to be wary about people for the rest of her life, unless she could find a reason to believe there was good in everyone. It was just hard to think about that right now.

She watched him pace back and forth, worry clearly etched in the features of his face. She wanted to tell him everything was alright and to stop worrying. But everything wasn't alright. Her head was full and her heart was heavy. She didn't know how to sort out the emotions she was feeling. She didn't even know how to begin picking up the broken pieces of the idea she'd once had of the world.

As a doctor, she saw it all the time, but living it was much different. Living it had opened up a locked up door in her corner of the world. It was a door that never should have been opened. A Pandora's box. All her trust in mankind had begun dwindling away the moment that man broken through her innocence. She held hope in her heart that one day she would overcome this, but right now, she couldn't see a way out of the darkness her heart was now bathed in.

After a while, she saw Sully turn again and finally walk off. She turned away from the window and went back to her bed. She sat down and closed her eyes, wondering how on earth she was ever going to be able to stand in front of him and look into his eyes without him seeing how afraid she was. It wasn't him that she was frightened of. It was people in general. She'd put so much trust in people as a physician, and in one horrible moment, she was given a very real glimpse of what life could really be like if all men in the world were like the stranger in the alley. It certainly made her more wary of those she didn't know.

A knock came to the door, and Elizabeth stepped inside. Michaela turned to give her mother a half-smile, but it failed, and she turned away, biting her bottom lip.

"Michaela," Elizabeth said softly, walking over to the bed and gently wrapping her arms around her daughter. "I'm sorry."

"This isn't your fault, Mother."

"And it's not yours."

"You sound like Father."

"Your father has a point. This isn't your fault. How could you even think of blaming yourself?" Michaela fidgeted with the sash on her robe. "Michaela, look at me." Michaela looked up into her mother's eyes. "What happened to you was a terrible thing, but it doesn't mean it was your fault. You couldn't have prevented it."

"I could have," Michaela insisted. "I could have stayed at the hospital…I could have…"

"The could-haves aren't important. You had no idea of knowing what was going to happen." She watched her daughter's shoulders fall. "I know it's hard to see right now, but you're going to be alright. What happened is a terrible thing, yes, but it won't stop you from living the rest of your life. That's what he would want, Michaela. The man that did this to you wanted to…to break you down. He wanted to give you less power in this world, and if you shut yourself off, you're letting him win." She reached out, stroking Michaela's cheek, wiping a few tears away. "You're going to get through this. As much as I've complained of your bull-headedness over the years, I'm so grateful for it now, because I know that's one thing that's going to help you through. You're strong. You're determined. You're not going to let this man…this man you don't even know…have power over you." Michaela took a shaky, deep breath and said nothing. "I'll leave you to rest. I'll have Martha bring up something for you to eat later."

"I don't feel like eating," Michaela replied despondently.

"I know, but you should try to keep your strength." She leaned down, gently hugging her daughter. "I'm praying, Michaela. I'm praying hard for you and for our family." Elizabeth left her daughter to her thoughts, and the youngest Quinn curled up on top of her bed again, closing her eyes and feeling the hot tears burning her, as she tried to suppress them. Taking a few deep breaths, she calmed herself, and she lay in the warmth of the room, listening to the faint sounds of horseshoes on cobblestone.

* * *

Later in the afternoon, while her parents were lying down for a nap, after having not slept much at all the night before, Michaela felt well enough to have another bath and slip into a fresh, clean dress. The house was silent, too silent, and it was starting to get to her. She peered out her side window that peered out into the back garden. The flowers were all blooming, and it was so sunny out. The idea of going outside was getting to her in a bad way, but she also knew that part of healing was facing things like this. She wasn't afraid to go outside, but she was afraid of what could happen, because now she knew how easily something like that could happen.

Pondering her choices between sitting in her room that was becoming increasingly more stuffy or going out for some fresh air in the garden, she decided that she'd go out for just a few minutes and just feel the warmth of the sun on her face.

She crept out of her bedroom and headed down the stairs. Martha and Harrison were dusting, and both looked up with surprise to see Michaela coming down the stairs. She put on her best smile, trying to hide her body's physical anguish, as well as the emotional stress she was under just knowing that life was passing her by while in her mind, she was at a standstill, uncertain about how to feel, what to do, or how to think.

Her hands trembled on the handles of the terrace doors. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and opened them up, feeling a cool breeze whisk past her.

"Miss?" Martha asked. "Are you alright?"

"I'm just going to take a walk in the garden, Martha. I'll be back in a few minutes." She kept the doors open, mostly for her own comfort, and she stepped foot in the soft, green grass.

The garden was filled with gorgeous flowers one could only imagine seeing in a painting. Different aromas from spicy to sweet were carried through the air, filling her senses. In the corner, a patch of vegetables were growing. Martha loved cooking using her own grown garden vegetables. Michaela smiled, remembering helping her plant out there as a child.

She walked a bit further into the garden. A large apple tree in the back held a swing she had used to sit in on warm, Spring days. She would sit there and read for hours, completely losing herself in tales of wild adventures. She often read about pioneers heading out West, and thinking about that now, made her think of Sully's stories about his life and his desire to go West someday. He wasn't foolish enough to believe that going out West would get him rich. No, Sully was more interested in nature than gold.

Sighing, she reached the back of the garden, where the swing was rocking lightly in the breeze. She slowly sat down, and she pushed back, feet on the ground, and she began to swing, letting the wind blow through her hair. She closed her eyes, leaning back as she swung, and she felt for a moment like she was flying.

She heard footsteps patrolling outside of the fence, and she froze, immediately standing up from the swing. She swallowed hard, fear tugging at her heart. She started in toward the house, but she heard the footsteps stop.

"Who's there?" she asked, her voice shaking.

"Michaela?" Michaela's eyes widened in surprise, and she realized it was Sully.

"Sully?"

"Yeah. I…I wanted to see ya." Michaela chewed on her lower lip, her heart still pounding from the fright.

"Come toward the back of the fence," she said in a whisper. She headed toward the back corner of the garden. A loose panel that was only noticeable from the inside, and only known about by Martha, Harrison, Michaela and Rebecca, was easily moved out of place. Michaela motioned for Sully to come in. He stepped into the garden, a bit unsettled that there was such easy access into the garden.

"Nobody knows about this," she whispered. "When I was a child, Rebecca showed me. She never showed my other sisters." She was trying to put on a brave face.

"Why are we whisperin'?"

"My parents are sleeping," she said with a nod toward the house.

"Why're you out here? I thought you were sick." He stared into her eyes, and she shifted her gaze toward the ground.

"I'm feeling better."

"I got worried when ya didn't come to the park."

"I'm sorry. I know we always meet at four. I just…I wasn't feeling like myself, and…" She wasn't looking him in the eye, so he knew she was hiding something.

"Michaela, did somethin' happen? Are you sure you're ok?"

"I'm…I'm fine," she said with a slight nod. She sat back down in the swing, and Sully sat down on a bench under the tree.

"Michaela, I know we ain't know each other much longer than a month. But I feel like I know you. And you know me. I know when a stranger is lyin' to me, so I know…I know you're hidin' somethin' from me." Michaela forced another smile, and she shook her head.

"No, I'm fine, Sully." He didn't believe her at all, but he knew that she wouldn't tell him what was bothering her until she was ready.

"Did you eat?" He nodded to the sack with their usual shared lunch. It was a bit later in the day, but he had saved it for her.

"No. I…I wasn't hungry."

"How about now?" he wondered. She smiled, when he brought the sack out between them. She didn't want to be rude.

"I…I could eat something." He handed her a piece of bread, an apple, and some of the dried beef. She ate, her stomach unsettled, but she had to admit that she felt better after a few bites. They ate in silence, him glancing at her from time to time, her looking at the ground so intently he thought she might bore holes into it. Sully cleared his throat in the silence.

"Got paid two dollars today."

"You did?" she asked.

"Yep. I'm thinkin'…maybe another month, and I'll be ready to head out West." Michaela felt a pang of sadness.

"I…well, I wish you the best, and…"

"Michaela, it ain't like I'm leavin', and you'll never hear from me again. I'm gonna write."

"Good," Michaela said quietly. "I'll look forward to your letters."

"Ya know…I bet they could use a doctor out West. Somewhere…somewhere that trains don't go, maybe?"

"Perhaps," she said softly. The thought intrigued her, especially now. She wanted to get away, but going all the way across the country? She wasn't so certain she could do that. She didn't know if she was strong enough to leave the place she'd grown up in or the people who she loved more than anyone else. "What are you going to do when you get there?"

"Try to get some work…maybe try to build my own house, so folks'll see what I can do."

"That would be good," Michaela said with a nod. The wind suddenly blew the patio doors shut, and Michaela jumped, flinching and getting up off the swing.

"You ok?"

"Yes. Yes, I'm fine. I…I suppose I'm just…"

"Michaela, somethin's wrong. You're not actin' right."

"Oh? How am I supposed to act?" She was suddenly defensive. "Am I supposed to be cheerful and…and attentive all the time?"

"Well, no, but…"

"Then what, Sully? " Sully sighed. He wasn't used to Michaela being like this. But he couldn't hold it against her. He could see in her eyes that something was troubling her. She just couldn't share it with him. Not that he could blame her, but still, it hurt to know that he wasn't going to be able to help her.

"Nothin'. Sorry. I didn't meant to upset ya." Michaela's face fell.

"No…I'm sorry. I haven't been myself, and…" She looked away. "I should be going in."

"Okay," he said gently. "When will I see you again?"

"I don't know," she said quietly, turning to go inside. Not thinking, Sully reached out for her hand. She froze in her place, not turning back to look at him. He let go of her hand. "I wanna see you again."

"Sully…"

"Michaela, I don't understand what's goin' on. If I did somethin' wrong…I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything." She didn't want to look at him now, because she knew he'd see that she was about to cry.

"I don't understand."

"I don't either, really," she said quietly. "Sully…I need to go in."

"I wanna see you again," he insisted. "But if you don't want to see me…"

"No, I do," she whispered, glancing at him over her shoulder. "Come back here…tomorrow evening."

"Okay," he said quietly. "Do you need anything?"

"No. No, I don't." She turned back to him, smiling a little, and he could see the tears there. He wanted to ask her what was wrong, but he feared making her cry.

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow night." He left the way he'd come in, and Michaela made sure to wedge the board in place. She looked around, making sure nobody had seen her, and then she hurried up the garden path and into the house.

* * *

Michaela lay in bed that night, unable to sleep, which didn't surprise her. She was physically exhausted, but she couldn't even muster up the courage to close her eyes for more than five minutes, because when she did, she could see it so vividly in her head. She just didn't want to think about it, but the more she tried not to think about it, the harder it became.

Rolling over, she tried to focus on something else, and when she saw the apple blossoms outside of her window, she thought of Sully in the garden earlier. She felt horrible for keeping this from him, but it was something so personal and devastating that sharing it with anyone, even the one person she had been able to confide everything in lately, was difficult. Her father was at a loss, and he had once been her main confidant. Her mother was beside herself with grief and worry. And Michaela had her own worries in mind. She knew the possibilities. She was a doctor, and she in her childbearing years. She knew that it was very possible that a pregnancy could result, but she just didn't want to think about it. She couldn't think about it.

Rolling over onto her other side, she stared at the wall, watching the shadows cast from the moonlight and the leaves on the trees outside. She thought about sitting with Sully in the park on those afternoons, listening to the rustling of the leaves provide background music for his fantastic stories about what he'd read about the West and what he hoped to find out there. It all sounded glorious. Difficult but glorious. She chewed on her bottom lip, thinking about what it might be like to go and explore the unknown. She could bring her knowledge of the medical world to those who needed it.

Oh, but the more she thought of it, the more it terrified her. She didn't feel safe anywhere anymore. But what she found to be surprising was that every time her thoughts came to Sully, hope and happiness filled her soul, and worry, doubt, and fear went out the window. Perhaps it was a sign, but perhaps it was also God's way of telling her to be careful. After all, she'd put so much faith and trust in people, as a doctor, and look what happened. Now it was as if she was living outside of herself, looking down at the shell of Michaela Quinn performing everyday duties, as her spirit wandered elsewhere, searching for answers to the question "Why?"

_Thanks for the feedback so far! Please let me know what you thought of this chapter!_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Josef and Elizabeth were both surprised to see Michaela come down for breakfast the next morning. She was all dressed up and her hair was done up nicely. Elizabeth and Josef exchanged a quick glance before turning their attention back to their daughter.

"Mike?"

"Good morning, Father. Mother." Michaela sat down in her usual place at the table. Martha hurried over to pour her some orange juice. Michaela thanked her with a smile and sipped at her juice. She glanced at her stunned parents. "What?"

"Are you feeling alright this morning?" Elizabeth asked.

"Much better," she said, her voice a bit higher. "I…I think I'd like to go in to the hospital today."

"I thought you didn't want to go back," Josef said slowly.

"I know, but…I'd like to see some of my patients."

"Michaela, I don't think that's a very wise idea," Elizabeth pointed out. "You've just been through a very traumatic ordeal, and I think you should rest here for a while."

"Yes," Michaela said, her voice a little breathy and shaky now. She cleared her through. "Yes, I know. But I want to get on with my life. That's important, isn't it? Not dwelling on what you can't fix. Right, Father?"

"Well…yes, yes, I suppose it is," Josef said, eyeing his daughter uncertainly. "But are you certain you're ready to…"

"I don't intend to work at the hospital anymore. It's time I branch out and do what it is that I've wanted to do. I've saved up enough money, and I want to open my own clinic."

"What?" Elizabeth asked. "This is the first I've heard of this. Are you sure you're not just doing this, because you want to get away from…"

"Mother, this is what I've wanted for a long time. I want my own practice. I want to go where I'm needed."

"This is ridiculous," Elizabeth said, shaking her head. "Michaela, I think you're still upset, and you should rest another few days before venturing out and…"

"I'm thinking clearly. I want to start my own practice away from the hospital, away from my father's name. I can do this. It's what I want. But today, I want to see my patients. I want to go back to the hospital…and I want to let everyone know that I'm not coming back." Martha placed a breakfast plate in front of Michaela, and the younger woman began to eat, glancing up at her parents' shocked expressions.

"Mike, you've spoken of moving on someday, but how far away are we talking?" Josef asked, suddenly not hungry anymore. Michaela looked up at him.

"I'm not sure," she replied. "I've thought about going West, where our medicine can help those who don't have access to it." Elizabeth shook her head, scoffing.

"I knew this had something to do with Mr. Sully."

"It has nothing to do with him, Mother. I've put a lot of trust into Boston, and my entire life, it's done nothing but put barriers in my path. I'm a doctor today because I had to fight against the most well known doctors in the country, and somehow, I won. But there are enough doctors in Boston already."

"Do you realize what nonsense you're speaking. This is ludicrous, Michaela! It's more dangerous out there than it could ever be here. Savage Indians who would do a whole lot more to you than what a man in an alley ever could." When she saw the look on her daughter's face, a look as if she'd been slapped in the face, she immediately regretted it. "Michaela…I'm…I'm sorry."

"Father, aren't we running late?" Michaela stood and left the room quickly, not wanting her parents to see her start to cry. She hurried out into the foyer, grabbed her medical bag and rushed outside, her hand covering her mouth. She took a few deep breaths, trying to recover but finding it difficult, as passers-by glanced at her curiously before turning their heads, not wanting to be caught snooping. She rushed out to the waiting carriage and hopped up inside.

"Is your father joining you this morning?" the driver asked.

"Yes. He'll be along in a few moments," Michaela replied, choking back more tears. As soon as the driver turned around, Michaela dabbed at her eyes with her handkerchief.

Josef came walking out, and once he was in the carriage, they were off toward the hospital. Josef didn't know what to say to his daughter. But he reached over, taking her hand in his. She glanced at him and sniffled.

"Mike, for as long as you've been in this world, you've done things according to your own will. If we were to try to prevent you from going off and starting your own practice, we'd be depriving you of what you were born to be doing. I understand that it must be difficult to be here in Boston, knowing that…that the man who did this to you is out walking around." Michaela flinched at the thought. "If you were to stay, I don't think you'd ever truly be able to move on with your life."

"Father?" She recognized the quiver in his voice. Her father was a man of few tears, but he was on the verge right now.

"I never thought I'd ever see the day something like this would happen to one of my daughters. I never thought I'd have to be sitting here, thinking that maybe it _would _be best for you to leave Boston. I don't want you to leave, but I can't stand the thought of you something like this happening to you ever again." He took a deep breath. "Mike, whatever you decide to do, I will help you. I will send you money, and…"

"I don't need your money, Father."

"No, you don't. But you also don't need to worry about food or shelter, especially after the struggles you've been through." Michaela looked away. "When will you leave?"

"I don't know. I just…don't know."

"Will you do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Wait a month. Just a month." She knew why he was asking, but he couldn't form the words. "I just want to make certain that you're not…" She turned her head away. "Mike, please."

"I'll stay. One more month."

"And I don't want you traveling alone." Michaela immediately thought of Sully. He had said last night that he was planning to move out West in a month.

"I could…I could travel with Sully."

"What?"

"He's moving out West in a month. We could go together."

"No," Josef said, as they neared the hospital. Michaela sighed. "Absolutely not."

"Father, Sully's not that kind of man."

"I don't care what kind of man he is. You barely know him."

"No, _you_ barely know him. And that's not his fault. Mother has already forbidden him to come to the house."

"I'll talk to your Mother, but she won't be happy about this either."

"Just get to know him, Father. You liked him when you met him."

"I don't like any man well enough to let him accompany my youngest daughter across the country."

"Then tonight's the perfect opportunity."

"What?"

"I've asked Sully to meet me in the garden tonight. I'll invite him in for dinner."

"How's he going to get into the garden?" Michaela sighed.

"Father, dinner?"

"Fine. But if you're going to insist on him taking you, then I want him here twice a week for dinner. I want to fully trust him if you're going to go off into the world…" He sighed, shaking his head. Michaela must have really trusted Sully, he realized, because even after what she'd been through, she was still insistent on having him as a friend in her life. "Just remember…tonight."

"Alright," Michaela said slowly, "I can ask him."

* * *

"Michaela!" Clara exclaimed, rushing over to hug the lady doctor. Michaela winced, and Clara, biting her lip sheepishly, pulled back. "Oh, I'm sorry!"

"It's alright," she said awkwardly.

"How are you feeling?" Michaela shook her head.

"I don't know, really. It seems to differ by the moment." Clara nodded sadly. "Clara, I wanted to thank you for everything you did for me the other day. I'll never forget it."

"Michaela, I was so worried about you. Even Jim…" Michaela shied away at the mention of Jim. It brought back memories of the nasty words he'd spewed at her as well as the hard hit she'd taken to the face. "Don't worry though. He…he's been fired."

"What?"

"Your father brought it up to the board, and I testified on your behalf. Jim's packing up his things. Word has it that he's going to look for a position in New York." Michaela couldn't help but feel a bit relieved at that, but at the same time, it didn't really matter, because she had plans that looked even farther away from Boston, from New York, from Jim, from the man who'd done this to her.

"Oh," was all she could say. She sat down slowly in a chair in the little office.

"Michaela, are you alright? Why don't you go home?"

"Because this is my last day." Clara's eyes widened.

"What?!"

"I'm not going to be here anymore. I…I can't work here anymore."

"Because of what happened? Michaela…"

"I just can't stay here. I need to find something else…"

"You're not going to practice medicine anymore?"

"Yes, I'll practice medicine. Just not here. Not in Boston." Clara's eyes widened in surprise.

"Where will you go?"

"I don't know," Michaela replied. Clara studied the doctor's face for a moment. She picked up a few charts.

"I have to take these upstairs. Will you be alright?"

"Clara, I don't need a babysitter," Michaela said quietly, opening up one of her own patients' charts. "I'll be fine." Clara walked out reluctantly, leaving Michaela alone in the little office. The clock on the wall was ticking so loudly. Michaela wondered why she hadn't ever recognized it before. She figured she should leave a note and have someone fix it, but she just sat there, unable to move. All she could think about was what was beyond those walls. It was too much. Too much too soon.

The harder she stared at the wall with the clock, the more she could see through it, see the man attacking her, choking her, pinning her to the ground. She began to tremble with the same fear she'd felt when he'd been in her presence. She could almost feel the pain returning to her body. Tears of anguish filled her eyes and spilled over, making shining trails down her cheeks.

She took a deep breath and stood up, feeling dizzy and unbalanced. Finding a piece of paper, she scribbled down a note for Clara.

_Please tell my father I've gone home early. Tell him not to worry. Michaela_

She grabbed what she needed to take home with her and headed out the door. She took a different exit, wanting to avoid the alley as easily as possible. But, as she left, she couldn't help but look over her shoulder, seeing the entry way to the alley just ten yards away. It was empty and surprisingly bright for a day like this, but still, she didn't trust it. Nothing was as it seemed these days.

She started to turn and watch where she was going when she ran straight into someone. Her belongings went flying, scattering all over the sidewalk.

"Oh!" she cried out, half in surprise, half in fright." She immediately went to her knees to pick everything up, and the man knelt to help her. She looked up apprehensively, her eyes meeting his.

"Sully?!"

"Michaela?"

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Just headin' to the park," he said quietly. "What're you doing?"

"Just going home," she said quietly. Biting her lower lip, she prepared for her next question. She hated asking for help, but she also didn't want to feel this constant fear that thumped in her chest when she was alone. She wanted the comfort of a familiar face to help guide her home. "Would…would you mind walking with me? I'd like to talk to you."

"Sure," Sully said, helping her finish picking up her things. He ended up carrying most of them, and they walked off toward Beacon Hill. "What's wrong?"

"Are you still thinking about going West in a month?"

"Thinkin' about it? I think I'm pretty sure," he said with a nod. "Why?"

"I…" She didn't know how to say it. How was she supposed to ask him to let her come along? How was she going to explain herself when he asked her why? "I'd like to come along." Sully raised an eyebrow. He couldn't hide the fact that he was pleased, but he was certain that if she wanted to go, it wasn't for romance or anything like that. The tone of her voice told him it was much more serious.

"Really?"

"Yes," she said with a nod.

"Well…'course I wouldn't mind. I'm just…surprised is all."

"I know. I just…I think it's time for me to do something else in my life. It's time for me to branch out and take my medicine to those who probably don't have access to it. I'd like to try to create a practice out there…"

"You know…lady doctors…I don't know how common they are out there."

"They're certainly not very common here. Or respected. Either way, I'm going to face challenges that will be difficult, but…I need to leave Boston."

"But, why? Ya grew up here. This is where your family is."

"Yes, I know," she said quietly. "But sometimes things happen that…that urge a person to do something rather than think about doing it. I've often thought about what it would be like to go West when you'd tell me of your travel plans. But now…now I want to go."

"What made ya decide this?" He saw her tense up and figured that whatever it was, she wasn't ready to talk about it yet.

"I just want to go, and I think this will be a good opportunity for me to meet new people." Sully nodded slowly.

"Alright," he said. "If you're sure that's what you want? What do your folks think about it?"

"My father isn't happy," she sighed. "But he wants you to come for dinner twice a week." Sully furrowed his brows. "He wants to get to know you before he lets me go gallivanting around the country with you."

"I don't mean no disrespect to your Pa, but you're a grown woman. Ain't that your choice?" Michaela flinched.

"My father's very protective of me. He…he doesn't want to see me get hurt." Something told Sully that there was a reason for that.

"Well, I can understand that. I mean, he is your pa. He just wants what's best for ya." Michaela nodded slowly.

"I'll come tonight…but are ya sure it's alright with your ma?"

"My mother will probably faint away when she hears of my plans, but I am going, and perhaps you'll be able to convince her…"

"Your Ma slammed the door in my face the first time I came to your house." Michaela winced at the memory.

"I know, and I'm sorry. My mother is just worried that I'll lose focus on what's 'most important' in my life." Sully furrowed his brows, waiting for Michaela to tell him. "Marrying a wealthy man, being at his beck and call and having as many children to inherit the fortune as possible."

"Ah," Sully said slowly.

"I know," Michaela replied. "Please don't let her get to you. She has a way of insulting you with a compliment. But please, my father wants you there, and he wants to get to know you. My father and I are very much alike, and he did like you when he first met you. Now he just has to like you enough to trust you to help me get where I need to go."

"Michaela, you're talkin' about a pa trustin' somebody who's practically a stranger to take his youngest daughter 'cross the country. It ain't gonna be easy."

"No," she replied, "but let him get to know you. I'm certain he'll be as fond of you as I am." She blushed a little, and Sully smiled, noticing.

"I'll be there," he assured her. "What time?"

"Seven thirty?" Michaela offered.

"Alright. And, uh, I guess I can use the front door instead of the secret entrance in the garden?" Michaela laughed for what seemed to be the first time in days. How did he have such a way of drawing out the happiness in her and making it shine?

"Of course," she said with a nod. They continued walking on, Sully glad to be walking at her side, Michaela glad to be at his, though also whole-heartedly thankful that she wasn't walking alone.

_Feedback would be much appreciated! Thanks!_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Michaela wrung her hands together as she paced the foyer. It was twenty-five after seven. Sully would be there any moment. Ever since Michaela had arrived home and explained to her why Sully was coming over, Elizabeth had done nothing but try to convince her daughter to find a husband and settle down. Elizabeth was certainly all for Michaela giving up medicine for good, which Michaela didn't intend to do at all. No, not even this recent tragedy could persuade Michaela to give up on helping those that needed her. Perhaps her trust in mankind as a whole was shaken, but she couldn't stop being what she was, and that was a doctor.

When Josef had arrived home, he'd tried to calm his wife, and he'd convinced her to join him in the dining room. They were already seated, and Michaela had taken up a post in the foyer, waiting on their guest. She'd changed into something nice but something that still hid all of her bruises. She still didn't know how to tell Sully or if she even could. It was too painful to even think about, and at least thinking about a move out West put her mind on something more than the rape.

At seven-thirty sharp, Sully knocked on the front door, and Michaela hurried to answer it. Sully was dressed in his nicest clothes, though still, for Beacon Hill, he certainly looked out of place. To Michaela, he looked handsome, and she took his hand, squeezing it gently, warmly.

"I'm glad you came," she admitted. "As for Mother…well, be certain to tell her that her hair looks lovely."

"What?" Sully asked.

"She messed it up three times while we were arguing about you." Sully frowned.

"Are you sure this is a good idea? I can go, and…"

"No, Sully, you're my friend, and I want Mother to accept you. She's just not used to socializing with anyone other than the women that she has tea with. Please, please, don't let her intimidate you." Sully nodded, and Michaela looped her arm through his. She didn't notice his staring at her beautiful form in that dress, but when his gaze settled upon her face, he certainly noticed how tense her jaw was and how, once again, she looked as if she might burst into tears at any given moment.

They walked into the dining room, where Martha was pouring champagne and serving the first course of the meal. Michaela gave Sully's arm a reassuring squeeze. After Sully pulled a chair out for her, she sat, and he sat next to her.

"Mr. Sully," Josef said with a kind nod. "How are you this evening, son?"

"I'm fine," he said. "Thanks for havin' me over."

"Yes, well, from the looks of you," Elizabeth broke in, "it's been a while since you've had a decent meal."

"Mother," Michaela said, taken aback. The glare shot at her from across the table was more fire Elizabeth had seen in her daughter since before the rape.

"Champagne, sir?" Martha asked him.

"No thanks," he said, "I don't much care for drinkin'." Josef raised an eyebrow, and he glanced at Michaela who smiled timidly.

"None for me either, Martha, thank you." Martha nodded, and she headed off to the kitchen.

"You don't indulge in typical social behavior," Elizabeth said slowly. "Is there a reason you won't drink a glass of champagne, Mr. Sully?"

"To tell ya the truth, Ma'am, I would, but alcohol ain't never done nothin' good for anybody in my family, so I think it's best to stay away from it. I don't mean no offense."

"None taken," Josef said with a nod. They all started in on the first course. Michaela looked at her plate most of the time. Sully glanced at her and then at Josef, who was eyeing Michaela, and then to Elizabeth who was eyeing him. Sully squirmed in his seat.

"Mrs. Quinn, your…um, your hair looks lovely tonight." Michaela smiled a little, and she looked over at Sully, whose face looked a tad bit pale. Elizabeth smiled a little.

"Why thank you, Mr. Sully. You know, it takes a long time to make oneself look presentable, even in Boston."

"Mother," Michaela said, "I think perhaps before we continue with dinner, I should tell you what's really going on." Elizabeth glanced at her daughter curiously, placing her spoon down on the table.

"What _is_ going on, Michaela. I would love to know." Michaela placed her napkin next to her plate, sitting up even straighter. She felt her sore muscles straining, so she relaxed a little.

"As you know, I'm planning to leave the hospital."

"Yes, and I couldn't be happier. That's no environment for you to be in, all of those men gawking at you, especially after…" Sully glanced at Michaela to see her face redden. "Well, it's a good thing you've decide to pursue other career choices, though I think you'd be better off finding a husband and being a wife and a mother!" Michaela had to bite her tongue for a moment.

"Elizabeth," Josef said quietly, "let her finish." Elizabeth sighed and glanced over at her daughter. She hated it when Michaela finished any conversation like this, because it normally didn't turn out in Elizabeth's favor.

"Thank you, Father," Michaela said quietly. "Mother, I'm not going to stop being a doctor. I'm going to go out West."

"What?!" Elizabeth asked, nearly choking on her own breath. "You cannot be serious!"

"I am, Mother. Sully is going as well, and I've spoken to Father, and I've asked Sully, and he's agreed to accompany me." Elizabeth stood up immediately.

"I don't think so!" she exclaimed. "Michaela, you are not the kind of woman who goes gallivanting around the country with a man you aren't married to! I forbid you to even think about it! It's not proper, and it's not…"

"Mother, Sully is a dear friend," Michaela said quickly, "and I trust him completely."

"How could you trust any man after what's happened to you?" Sully looked up at the older Quinn woman with surprise, his gaze then shifting to Michaela.

"Mother!" Michaela exclaimed, as Josef covered his face with his hand in exasperation.

"You're only asking for it to happen again. You have no sense, Michaela Quinn. No sense at all!"

"Mother, please," Michaela begged, her voice much softer now. "You don't understand my feelings on this."

"I understand. I understand that you feel ashamed by what's happened, and now you're going to go off with some stranger to try to forget. I won't let that happen!" She was so upset now that she was shaking. How could Michaela put herself at risk like this? She couldn't lose her daughter. Not when she'd almost lost her just days ago.

"That's not what this is about!" Michaela exclaimed. "Father…"

"Elizabeth, please. Sit down."

"I won't sit here and listen to my daughter tell me she's going to throw her life away! If she goes, she could be killed! She could be in a lot worse shape than she's in right now!" Michaela was shaking now, and the tears were beginning to fall. "You were hurt, Michaela. But by doing this, you're only putting yourself in more danger. You should be here. You should be resting and not…not going out and inviting more men to have their way with you." Sully felt sick to his stomach watching Michaela sit there and listen to her mother say those words to her. He was angry and upset, but most of all, he was concerned about Michaela. He had had no idea, but now he knew what had happened, and he didn't even know how to go about helping her through it.

Michaela continued to sit there for a few moments longer, unable to breathe, to think, to even muster up an intelligible word.

Josef sat there speechless, and Elizabeth's cheeks were flushed with embarrassment for everything she'd just said in the presence of their guest.

"Mr. Sully, I apologize for…for the things I've said. You shouldn't have had to listen to our family's troubles…"

"Elizabeth," Josef began, but Michaela pushed back in her chair, stood up and fled the room. Sully sat uncomfortably with the Quinn parents for a moment before getting up and rushing after Michaela. "What were you thinking? Did you ever stop and wonder that perhaps Michaela doesn't want just anyone to know what happened to her? How could you even think of saying such a thing in front of him?" Elizabeth slowly sat down, her rigid form trembling.

"I don't know what got into me, Josef. I…I'm sorry."

"I'm not the one you need to apologize to," Josef replied firmly, shaking his head. Elizabeth looked down, ashamed by her own behavior. Josef stood and moved to the front window, peering out into the night, seeing his daughter leaning against the front gate, her hands rigid against the iron, her shoulders slumped and shaking as she sobbed uninhibitedly.

* * *

Sully stood on the steps, uncertain of what to say or do. He couldn't believe how someone like Mrs. Quinn, as strict and proper as she was, would say something like that about her own daughter in the company of others. From everything Michaela had told him about her, she wasn't the kind of woman to do that at all. Of course, not everybody acted like themselves all the time, but he only felt terrible for Michaela, having something spilled out in front of her like that when she wasn't prepared for it.

"Michaela, are you ok?"

"I don't know," she stammered, trying to control her crying. Sully slowly moved toward her, and she could hear his footsteps. Her knees were growing unstable, and he wondered if he might have to catch her should she fall.

"What your ma said…about you bein' hurt?" His voice caught in his throat, making his concern sound like a question. Michaela froze. She was facing her fears at this very moment. She feared seeing the look in his eyes when she told him. She feared it would be the reaction she'd get from any man, but the only man that mattered right now was Sully.

She turned slowly, looking at him, as he stood a few feet away from her.

"It's true," she whispered, "it happened a couple of days ago. I…just don't know how to deal with it quite yet." Sully swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Michaela, I don't know what to say…" He felt like crying just watching her standing before him like this, shivering in the night. He slipped out of his coat and wrapped it around her shoulders. She looked down, looking as if she wanted to slip inside of herself and hide, but he knew she was stronger than that. Perhaps her strength made it difficult to deal with. If he knew her like he thought he did, he knew she had been putting on a brave front, trying to prove that she was alright and could overcome this ordeal. But right now, she couldn't be that strong. Right now she needed to cry, and he wanted to hold her.

"I'm sorry you found out this way. I…I was going to tell you, but I didn't know how…"

"Michaela, ya don't owe me any explanations. I didn't even have to know, but…I'm glad I do know. "

"You are?" Of course he was. Now he knew the reason for her melancholy.

"Yeah. I'm just sorry about the way it happened."

"That isn't your fault," she sniffled. "My mother doesn't think before she speaks sometimes. I tend to get that from her." She swallowed hard. "I'm sorry, Sully. What must you think of me…"

"I think you're a beautiful, kind-hearted person who'd do anything in the world for somebody. I think you're amazin'. I thought that the first day I saw you, and I still think it now." Michaela shook her head, looking away. "Hey…hey, come here," he said quietly, pulling her into his arms. It was the first time he'd really, truly held her, and it felt wonderful. She felt so safe there, and as she rested her head against his chest, she felt his arms tighten around her. She winced a little, and he pulled back. "What is it? Did I hurt you?" She just shook her head.

"I'm…I'm just bruised." He felt sick to his stomach again.

"Come on. Let's go sit someplace warmer and talk." Michaela nodded and led him back into the house. The parlor was empty, and she could hear her parents walking around in the back of the house. They sat in front of the fire, both staring into the flames. Michaela chewed on her lower lip, and she thought about where to begin.

"I was…I'd gotten into an argument with a doctor at work. He…he hit me," she said quietly.

"What?" he asked incredulously. "Someone hit you?"

"Sully, please, it's…it's not important anymore. He doesn't work there anymore. My father saw to that." She took a deep breath, waiting for the color to come back to Sully's clenched fists. "I was leaving…I was going through the alley. I've gone that way a hundred times before. And someone came up behind me…and he pulled me to the ground. And then he…" Her voice trailed off, as she started to choke back the anger and the cries she wanted to let loose upon.

"You don't know who it was, do you?"

"I just know he was tall…and he had brown eyes. That could be almost anybody, Sully," she whispered. "But I was brought back here, and…and I've been trying to deal with everything. I just don't know how. I've talked to my parents, but nothing really helps. I don't know how to put it all together in my head."

"Ya don't gotta do that right now, ya know? It just happened, Michaela. It ain't like you gotta be over it right now," he said softly. "You don't gotta act like you're ok now, ya know? It's alright to not be ok sometimes. But ya know I'm here. I'll always be here." He sighed heavily. "I wish I'd been there. I wish I'd known…I woulda killed the bastard."

"Sully," Michaela said quietly, "I guess that's one reason I want to leave Boston. I can't help but wonder, every time I turn around…if the person I'm looking at is the one that did this to me." Michaela looked back toward the fire. "I keep thinking about it, and I know it's always going to be with me, and it's something I can't change. It happened, and it's changed me somehow. I want to start over someplace new. I just want to let go of Boston and everything that's happened here."

"What about your folks?"

"I'll write them. I'll visit. They'll visit me. I just can't be a part of this place anymore. I can't look at every tall, brown-eyed man wondering if he's the one that did this to me." She looked up at him. "That's why I need to go with you. You're the only man…besides my father, that I can truly trust." He shook his head.

"I know you can trust me, but…but how do you know?" Michaela smiled a little.

"Because I know you, Byron Sully. I know you're a good man, and I know you'd never hurt me. Your eyes give you away."

"My eyes?"

"Mmmhmm," she smiled.

"What's my eyes got to do with anything?"

"My great-grandmother Quinn used to say it all the time. She'd say the eyes were the window to the soul. You can tell a lot about someone by looking into their eyes."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes," she nodded.

"So what do you see in my soul?"

"I see…a strong man. A man who's stubborn with pride but who loves with all of his heart. A man who wants to protect rather than harm. A man who wants nothing more than to live a peaceful, happy existence." Sully smiled a little, shivering on the inside of her very accurate reading of him. He cleared his throat, and he watched her eyes change in the fire light. "That man? That day? His eyes…I only saw a wall built around his heart…he was cold, unfeeling, like he didn't care what happened, just that he proved he had some sort of power in this world."

"That's a dangerous thing to want. Power."

"Yes," she said softly, turning her attention back to him. "You're right." She shook her head. "I think I've always confused achievement with power. I once thought that if I could be at the top of my class and do everything just right, it would give me power, but I quickly realized it wasn't what I was after. I wanted to be a doctor so I could prove to myself that I was capable of more than I was told I was. Of course, that isn't the only reason. I wanted to save lives. I watched my father for so many years, and I felt it was my calling."

"Ya have achieved a lot."

"And I think I could do much more…where I'm needed. I'm not needed in Boston, Sully. There are so many doctors here, but there aren't enough out West."

"You're right," he said quietly. "I'd sure like to see what a lady like you could do in a little western town." He smiled. "See you wearin' a cowboy hat with a stethoscope tucked in your ears." Michaela laughed. It felt so good to laugh with him. So natural. "I like hearin' you laugh."

"I haven't had much opportunity to laugh lately. But even now, you know just what to say to bring it out in me." Sully smiled, and he gently touched her shoulder.

"That's what life's about, ya know? I learned a long time ago that what happens to us makes us or breaks us. Ya gotta let whatever comes at ya make ya stronger, and I think that's what this is gonna do."

"It's hard to see how," she said sadly, shaking her head. "But I hope you're right. I used to believe the same thing. I want to believe it again."

"You will," he promised. "You will."

* * *

Michaela had gone up to bed, and Josef had asked Sully to stick around. Elizabeth, embarrassed and ashamed, had retired much earlier, and now the two men sat together in the parlor.

"I don't know what you said to my daughter tonight, but I haven't seen her smile like that since before…before it happened."

"Michaela's the best friend I've ever had. She's always willin' to listen to me no matter what I got to say."

"And she says the same about you."

"I'm glad to hear it. I wanna help her through this, Dr. Quinn. I care about your daughter, and I don't wanna see nothin' bad happen to her."

"I believe that, Mr. Sully. I do. I just need a little more time to get to know you before I feel completely comfortable with your taking her with you. My wife…she's going to need a lot more time."

"I don't think Mrs. Quinn's ever gonna be happy with me takin' Michaela anywhere."

"I do apologize for my wife's behavior tonight. She's been an emotional wreck. We all have, and it's not an easy thing to recover from."

"I don't mean no disrespect, sir, but Michaela's the one that needs to recover the most, and she don't need to be treated the way she was tonight."

"You're right," Josef replied. "I've spoken with my wife, and she's going to talk to Michaela in the morning. I think she just needs time to rest, and Michaela needs her rest as well. Please, come by again tomorrow, if you would."

"You're sure that's ok?"

"You're welcome at our home, Mr. Sully. Anybody who can be there for my daughter like you were tonight always has a spot around our dinner table." Josef reached out his hand, and Sully accepted it. They shook warmly before Sully headed out toward his small room above a grocery store.

_Thanks for the feedback so far. Please keep it coming! Let me know what you think! _


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Michaela? Michaela, may I come in?" Elizabeth Quinn knocked on her daughter's bedroom door. When she received no response, she opened it a bit to see her daughter sitting in the bay window reading a book. It had been close to two weeks since the dinner fiasco, and the household had been tense ever since. Elizabeth knew she was partly to blame, but it didn't stop her from trying to fix things with Michaela. She'd tried to speak with her daughter the night after the incident, but Michaela had been too upset to listen. How could her own mother say such things in front of Sully? These were things Elizabeth would have scolded her for saying with company around.

"Do as you wish, Mother," Michaela said, not taking her eyes off of the book. Elizabeth sighed and crossed the room, pulling a chair up to sit next to the bay window.

"Michaela, are you ever going to look at me again?"

"I don't think I'm quite ready to even have a conversation with you, but if you'd like to sit there…"

"Michaela, stop this!" Elizabeth said sternly. "I will not be ignored." Michaela put her book down firmly in her lap, turning her steely gaze toward her mother.

"And I will not be embarrassed in front of someone I care about! I was going to tell him in my own way, and you had to do it for me."

"Michaela, I was upset. I wasn't thinking."

"No, you weren't. But you knew very well that Sully was sitting right there beside me. You could have waited…"

"How many times, how many ways can I say it, Michaela? I feel terrible about the things I said, but I still do not believe you should be leaving Boston right now."

"Because you want me here. All of your children and grandchildren live so close, and it gives you control over the family."

"That's not fair, Michaela."

"Then give me a good reason why I should stay?" Several moments of silence passed between them. "You can't find one, can you?"

"Michaela, your family is here. Your entire life is here!"

"Maybe this isn't the life I want anymore."

"Because of what one person did to you, you're going to throw away everything your father and I have ever given you? Everything we've taught you?"

"I'm not throwing it away. Don't you see? I'm taking what I've learned in my studies and using it to help people."

"And you're going to live in some backwoods western town in order to do so?"

"Mother, I don't know what it's going to be like when we're out there. The only things we know about the west is what we've read in books or have heard from the army, and I'm certain _they're_ not biased," she commented with a slight roll of her eyes.

"Michaela, you don't understand what it's like to sit and watch your daughter recover from something so horrible. You're healing physically, but I don't buy for one moment that you're completely healed emotionally."

"You're right about that, Mother, but that's something I have to work on. It's not going to happen overnight," she explained, recalling Sully's words to her that night in the parlor.

"Well," Elizabeth said with a slight nod, "I do apologize sincerely for my behavior that night. You have been through a lot and don't need the added stress that I've put on you. You wanted to tell Mr. Sully in your own way."

"And he was very understanding," Michaela pointed out. "He's been nothing but a gentleman to me, Mother. There's nothing to worry about when it comes to him."

"But Michaela, I can't understand how you can trust anyone after what's happened to you!"

"Sully isn't just anyone, Mother. I feel as if I know him and he knows me." Elizabeth sighed.

"You're falling for him."

"What? Mother, don't be ridiculous." There was hesitation in her voice, nevertheless, and Elizabeth heard it.

"It's obvious, Michaela. And I don't care for it one bit. You don't need to be juggling the burden of what's happened to you, as well as a relationship!" Michaela shook her head.

"You're wrong. Sully's a good friend, and even if I were to be in a relationship with a man, I can't let what happened to me put a damper on my happiness." She swallowed hard and looked out the window. Oh, she'd wondered how she could ever be intimate with a man after what had happened to her. She wondered how she could let him touch her in the way a husband could touch a wife without remembering the bruises, the pain, the way her body felt when it was over. How used, ashamed, and embarrassed she'd felt.

The thought of what it would be like to be someone's wife someday certainly frightened her, but she didn't want it to. She couldn't help but wonder if she was going to be forever burdened by this when it came to intimacy. Her heart told her that she couldn't let him win. Her head told her that too. But, at the same time, the thought of even growing close to a man scared her even more than it had before the rape.

"Michaela, you're a grown woman. I accept that, I do. But I have a hard time accepting that you're going to run off into the unknown with a man you…"

"Don't even say 'barely know,' because I know Sully better than I know many people. He's the most open, honest person I have…"

"How do you know that?" her mother interrupted. "Michaela, how can you be one hundred percent certain that everything he's said to you is truthful? There are people out there who make livings conning people into believing everything they say is true."

Michaela swallowed hard and looked down at the book in her lap. She sighed and looked back up into her mother's eyes. "The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him."

"What?" Elizabeth asked, baffled.

"It's a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson. Mother, Sully and I give and take nothing from one another except for each other's company and a listening ear. We trust each other." Elizabeth shook her head, standing up.

"I don't trust this at all, Michaela. Nothing about this feels right to me."

"It feels right to me," she replied. "I can't stay here. I wish you could understand. But I can't make you understand, just as you can't make me stay." Michaela placed her book down and stood up, heading out of her room and out into the garden.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Michaela was sitting in her father's study, where she often went to read when he was at the hospital. She heard a tap at the large, oak door, and she looked up to see her father standing there, a concerned crease in his brow glowering at her like the lit end of a stick of dynamite.

"What is it?" she asked, knowing what he'd come to ask her. He'd shied away from talking about it, but it had been nearly two and a half weeks since the rape.

"Mike," he said quietly, coming into the room and closing the door. She stiffened, knowing what was coming. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," she said quietly, placing her bookmark between the pages, closing the book and putting it beside her.

"Michaela," he said quietly, "I don't know how to talk to you about this. I've run it over in my head a thousand times, trying to figure out how to be as professional about this as possible, but it's not easy. It's not easy when you're trying to talk to your daughter about such a delicate subject." Michaela looked down.

"We don't have to talk about this, Father."

"We do, because it's important that if…"

"Father…" Josef took a deep breath, and his hands fidgeted against his knee.

"Michaela, this is difficult, I know. I just need you to tell me if you have any reason to think that perhaps you should see a doctor. If so, every precaution needs to be taken to ensure that you're healthy and safe." Michaela said nothing. What he was asking seemed like such a simple question, but it was loaded with so many what ifs.

"I've experienced some spotting," she said, her face reddening. Speaking doctor to doctor wasn't easy when her father was asking if her rape had possibly resulted in a pregnancy. "But my…cycles are typically light at first."

"So this isn't any different?" he asked, unable to look her in the eye.

"It's…lighter," she said quietly. "But, as you know, it's not unheard of for a woman's cycle to be disrupted after a trauma." She swallowed hard, her mouth already bone dry.

"Anything else?"

"I've been rather tired, but again, it's not uncommon."

"Any headaches?" Michaela hesitated, but she finally nodded.

"Just the past few days," she admitted. "Nothing severe."

"Oh," Josef nodded, standing up. Several moments passed in silence as he stared out of the window and into the streets of Boston. He moved to another window, peering out into the garden, one place his daughter frequented these days. "Michaela, if there's any reason you believe you should see a doctor, you should tell me now. I…I'll find the most discreet doctor I know, and I'll ensure that your secret's safe." Michaela looked down at her hands that were now folded in front of her on the desk. She knew what this meant. If she went to the doctor and he confirmed what she feared was true, the rest of her life would already be placed in front of her like a book fresh off the printing press.

She thought about what it would mean for her. She would have a choice to make. There were ways of getting out of a pregnancy, but she'd seen too many women come into the hospital after having the procedure with both physical and emotional scarring. She just couldn't see herself going through with that. She also saw women who were unable to have children, and she wondered, too, if she'd ever be able to hand a child over to a stranger, even a child that wasn't created out of love. Still, it would be a part of her.

Then again, this had never happened to her before, and her emotions were bound up so tightly within her that it felt as if she was already carrying an extra weight. To think about it made it hard to breathe at times.

She shook her head, unable to think about it all at once. Breathing deeply, she wanted badly to tell him she had no worries, but she did, so she nodded.

"Who can you get for me?" she asked quietly, tears in her eyes. Josef held his ground, wanting to go over and pull his little girl into his arms and tell her everything was going to be alright, but he knew she didn't need that right now. She needed facts first.

"Tomorrow, I'll take you to Dr. George Nichols. He's works at his own clinic on the other side of town. You can go in under an assumed name and find out."

"Alright," Michaela said quietly. "I won't be recognized?"

"George hasn't seen you since you were crawling around our ankles. But we've corresponded over the years. I'll tell him I have a sensitive case coming in, and I won't let him know who you are, I promise." Michaela nodded. As much as she knew she had nothing to be ashamed of, she still didn't want everyone knowing her business and the fact that she was, or might be pregnant.

"Thank you," Michaela said quietly. Josef turned and left the study, leaning against the wall and taking a shaky breath. He wasn't a man to shed tears often, but recently, his emotions had been taken for a runaway carriage ride, and he didn't know if he'd ever truly be able to accept what had happened. What was done was done and there was nothing he could do about it, and knowing that didn't make it any easier.

Inside the study, Michaela stood up, holding onto the desk and leaning over it, closing her eyes. The thought of being pregnant had her head spinning. She hadn't told her father everything, but she had been too embarrassed. The spotting had actually started two days ago and hadn't returned, which was a good indicator that she was pregnant. But she just hadn't wanted to face it. Though now she was going to have to.

What was she going to do? She slowly sat back down at the desk, her hands now gripping the arm rests on the chair. How was she going to carry the child of a man whose identity she didn't even know? How could she feel a life growing inside of her that she had never wanted to create? Even more so, if she did have a baby, how could she go through her life looking at that child's face, seeing a stranger there, wondering who could have given him or her those brown eyes or that dimpled chin. She just couldn't imagine what that would be like.

* * *

"Here you are." Mr. Mercer, the grocer, handed Sully his pay envelope. Mr. Mercer often paid him with money when he could, and they'd had a good month, so he had an envelope for Sully along with the food he had for him each day. Sully was surprised to find, when he counted it, that he'd been paid two whole dollars more than he usually was when he received money.

"What's this?" he asked, holding up the two extra dollars.

"It's to say thanks," Mr. Mercer said, clapping him on the shoulder. "You've been a good worker, Sully."

"What're you doin'? Sendin' me on my way?"

"Well, no, I figure I can still get another good week's work out of you," Mr. Mercer chuckled. "But I wanted to help you. I know you're headin' out to the frontier pretty soon with that pretty lady doctor." Sully shifted his weight from foot to foot.

"Yeah?"

"Well, this is just a little extra to help. I know it's not much, but I thought any little bit could help."

"No, it does. I really appreciate it, sir, but ya didn't have to…"

"I know that," Mr. Mercer chuckled, waving off Sully's gratitude. Mr. Mercer wasn't one who liked to be thanked much. He was just content seeing the surprise in Sully's eyes. "So how is she? Your friend?"

"Oh…Michaela? She's…she's fine," he said quietly. "Just ain't been feelin' like herself lately."

"You think she'll be alright enough to make the trip?" Sully looked away uncertainly.

"I hope so," he replied.

"You really like her, don't you?"

"Well, yeah. She's a real good friend to me. The best I ever had. She don't judge me, and she listens to everything I have to say. I ain't had the best education or the best luck in life, but she always has something positive to say 'bout me and what I've done."

"And you listen to her?"

"'Course I do." Mr. Mercer just smiled and swept the floor around the counter. "What?"

"How long have you known her?"

"I…a couple months. Why?"

"Just wondering."

"No, really. Why?"

"Well, you seem to talk about her a lot."

"I do?" Mr. Mercer laughed, nodding.

"That's all you talk about lately. First it was how you met this really beautiful woman in the park. Then it was how you were going to see her again. You spent three hours scrubbing your shirt in the wash the night before you went to see her again." Sully felt his face reddening. "Then you talked about how she was a doctor and how she fascinated you. Oh, and then what was it? Oh yeah, she was so curious about the west and asked you so many questions, and…"

"What's your point?" Sully asked, trying to sound defensive but failing.

"Oh, you've got it bad." He went back to sweeping, laughing jovially, while Sully slinked off to the porch. He sat down, watching people pass by and not even give him a second glance. This was typical, but he didn't really care. He opened up the small poetry book he kept folded in his pocket. He'd found it while working on the docks a long time back, and he had read it cover to cover at least twenty times.

Flipping through the pages, he sighed heavily and looked up at the sky. He glanced over at the large clock in front of the bank, seeing it was nearing four o'clock. He stood, pondering what he should do for a moment, wondering if she might want to see him. After everything she'd been through, he was surprised she hadn't pushed him away. Instead, she had embraced his attentiveness to her and had seemed to appreciate his presence in her home while her father built a trust with him and her mother glared daggers in his direction.

Finally, he pocketed his earnings, picked up his food sack and headed off toward Beacon Hill.

* * *

Michaela was surprised when Sully showed up on her doorstep at four o'clock that afternoon. She smiled when he showed her the bag he had draped over his shoulder.

"Wanna go to the park?" he asked. Michaela smiled at his boyish grin, and she nodded. She felt safe with him; like nothing in the world could hurt her as long as he was near.

"Just let me get my shawl." She reached into the closet by the front door, retrieved a white shawl and wrapped it around her shoulders. She closed the door and headed out with her friend.

"Mr. Mercer paid me two dollars extra today."

"He did?" Michaela asked with interest.

"Yeah. He told me he wanted to help me out. He said he's sorry to see me leave, but he wants me to see what's out there." He smiled a little. "Actually, I think he's just sick of hearin' me talk about how much fun it's gonna be for us travelin' out there." Michaela looked up at him with surprise.

"You…you talk to him about me?" Sully smiled.

"Sure I do. I mean, we're friends, right? Friends talk about each other. You didn't talk to folks at the hospital about me?" Michaela blushed a little.

"Well, yes," she said quietly. "I suppose I did." They walked in silence, nearing the park.

"You ok?" he asked.

"Yes," she said, tensing a little. Everyone asked her that at least twice a day, and she was tired of always answering the same way. She was fine, physically, but the rest of the story had yet to be written. She didn't know how tomorrow would go at the doctor's visit, and she didn't know how she was going to deal with the rest of the emotional damage done to her, but for right now, she was fine. She was fine, because she was with him.

They entered the park and sat down in the soft, green grass. Nobody else was there, which was surprising for a beautiful, sunny day. It was a little chilly, but by the time they'd walked their way there, they had worked up a bit of a sweat.

"Nice day," Sully commented, splitting up the food as he normally did with Michaela.

"Yes," she said with a smile. "I was thinking about going out into the garden and tending to the flowers. I've gotten a little better with plants lately." She grinned. "My mother used to tell me that I had the very opposite of a green thumb as a child. If I even stepped near them they died." She laughed a little bit. "Mother used to forbid me to go into the garden right before her prize-winning roses bloomed."

"Don't see how no flowers could die around you," Sully replied, "consider' ya always smell like one." Michaela blushed a little. "Sorry. I didn't mean to, uh, make ya uncomfortable."

"It's alright."

"No it ain't. I shouldn't be sayin' stuff like that. I mean, you don't need to be…"

"Sully, I'm not going to break," Michaela said sternly. "You don't have to tiptoe around me. You can speak to me as freely as you like."

"And you can do the same," Sully said, glancing into her eyes. "You know that, don't ya?" She nodded, pursing her lips together and letting out a slight hum.

"Yes. I know." Sully shifted the lunch sack, and his poetry book fell out. Michaela raised an eyebrow in surprise, and they both made a grab for it. "What's this?"

"It's nothin'," he said with a pained expression on his face. Michaela smiled, glancing up at him before opening the book. Her eyes widened.

"Whitman? You read Walt Whitman?"

"I…I found it one day, and I…liked it, I guess." Michaela bit her lower lip. She knew he was a little uncomfortable, but she had to admit that Sully didn't strike her as the kind of man who would enjoy poetry. "What?"

"I'm just surprised."

"Why? 'Cause I don't look like I read much?" He wasn't offended, just asking a question.

"No, of course not," she replied. "I'm just surprised. Whitman?"

"Yeah," he shrugged. She handed him the book back. "Would you read me something?"

"You wanna hear Whitman?"

"I want to hear _you_ read Whitman." She smiled, lying back in the grass, something she could do in front of him. Her mother would faint dead away at the sight of her daughter lying on the bright, green grass in one of her nicer dresses. Seeing that she was doing so in front of Sully would probably send her into spasms and cause her to be bedridden for a month.

"Alright. Anything in particular?"

"Just pick something," she suggested. Sully sighed, leafing through the pages. Michaela waited paitently.

"Umm…"

"What? Sully, whatever page you're on, just read already." Sully winced at the title, knowing what was coming.

"Alright," he mumbled. Clearing his throat, he began to read.

"_Passing stranger! you do not know  
How longingly I look upon you,  
You must be he I was seeking,  
Or she I was seeking  
(It comes to me as a dream)_

_I have somewhere surely  
Lived a life of joy with you,  
All is recall'd as we flit by each other,  
Fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured,_

_You grew up with me,  
Were a boy with me or a girl with me,  
I ate with you and slept with you, your body has become  
not yours only nor left my body mine only,_

_You give me the pleasure of your eyes,  
face, flesh as we pass,  
You take of my beard, breast, hands,  
in return,_

_I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you  
when I sit alone or wake at night, alone  
I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again  
I am to see to it that I do not lose you."_

They sat in silence, and Sully didn't dare look at Michaela. She didn't dare move to sit. She was barely breathing.

"I shouldn't have read that. It wasn't right." He didn't want her upset. He didn't want her thinking about the rape. That was the last thing he wanted her to think about.

"It's alright," she said, tears in her eyes, sitting up. "Sully, I told you not to tiptoe around me."

"I shoulda picked another poem."

"I made you read it. It's not your fault. It was….it was beautiful." Sully shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Michaela. I just don't know how to…how to…"

"It's alright," she said quietly, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Nobody really knows how to talk to me anymore. I can't blame you for thinking that I'm…"

"I don't think anything less of ya, if that's what you mean. I just hate seein' ya hurt, Michaela." Michaela didn't know what to say. "I just don't understand how somethin' so bad could happen to someone so good. To someone like you." Michaela sucked in a slow, pondering breath.

"As a doctor, I see bad things happen to good people every day. As unfair as it sounds, it's part of life."

"This shouldn't be part of life." He sounded frustrated now. "He should be sitting in a jail cell right now, but he's runnin' free."

"He'll be caught eventually," Michaela said quietly, a shiver of fear running up her spine. "It's the only thing I can hold onto that makes me feel like it'll all be alright. Eventually, he's going to be caught, and he's going to pay for what he's done, even if he's not paying for what he did to me."

"That's just it. He should be payin' for what he did to you. You're a good woman, Michaela. You're strong, and…"

"I don't feel so strong anymore," she admitted.

"You are. I know ya are. I want ya to feel that strength again." Smiling sadly, Michaela nodded, hoping she would one day find that strength, but something told her that having him in her life would bring her more strength that she'd ever thought possible.

_Thanks again for all of the support! Please keep the feedback coming! _


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The office was cold, dim and not very welcoming. A few charts hung on the eccentrically wallpapered walls. Patterns of red and yellow swirled up like tall trails of smoke toward the smoky gray ceiling. Michaela sat on the examination table, her entire body shaking after the exam. She had just lay there, staring up at the ceiling while Dr. Nichols examined her. It hadn't been her first time being examined by a doctor, but knowing why she was there, having to hang her head and explain that she'd been raped…it had been too much. After it was all over, she'd lay there crying, and Dr. Nichols hadn't said a word except to tell her that she could dress and he'd get the nurse to come in.

Michaela had dressed slowly, her body still showing faded signs of bruising. Her heart was heavy but pounding fast in her chest. Her stomach was twisted into sickening knots. She took a few deep breaths, and she waited nervously for the doctor and nurse to return. A knock came to the door, and Michaela braced herself.

"Miss?" The nurse came in, an older woman with kind eyes. Michaela said a silent prayer of thanks that she didn't know the woman from the hospital. "Dr. Nichols said you might need someone to talk to?"

"Has he told you anything? Has he? I need to know if…"

"He hasn't said anything, Miss. He just wanted me to make sure you're alright…woman to woman."

"I don't know if I'm alright," she said quietly, looking down at her hands. "Half of the time, I feel numb, and the other half, I don't quite know what to do with my emotions."

"That's natural, Miss. I…I went through the same thing."

"What?"

"A long time ago. I was about your age, actually." Michaela sniffled, wiping her nose, as the nurse handed her a handkerchief.

"How do you deal with it? How do you come to terms with what's happened?"

"Miss, there are no true answers to that. Every woman deals with it different."

"How did you?" Michaela wondered.

"I made a promise to myself," she said quietly, "I told myself that I couldn't let it ruin my life. I was about to become a bride, and I didn't see any reason for the man that hurt me to win."

"You married? How did your husband…how did he react?"

"I thought hard about it, and I considered not telling him, but I felt I owed him that knowledge about me." Michaela nodded, understand that. "I felt as if he wouldn't want me. I thought he'd think that I was damaged."

"Damaged?" The nurse nodded. "A similar thing happened to a cousin of mine, and her fiancé broke off their engagement, saying he wanted a pure wife, not a wife who'd let some man have his way with her."

"That's awful," Michaela sniffled.

"Luckily, not every man is like him though." She shook her head. "Are you to be married?"

"No," Michaela said with a slight roll of her eyes. "I just have a very dear friend, and I tell him everything."

"And this? Have you told him?"

"I have," she whispered, "and he's very supportive. But if anything else were to…well…I don't know what he would think."

"If you ask me, Miss, this friend of yours sounds like a very good man. I wouldn't let go of him if I were you." The nurse gave Michaela a pat on the hand. "If you need anything, you can always stop by and have a little talk with me if you'd like."

"Thank you," Michaela said with a nod. Another knock came to the door, and Dr. Nichols poked his head in.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes, come in, doctor," the nurse said with a nod. "I can leave if you'd like…"

"Actually," Dr. Nichols said, clearing his throat, "it might be better if you stayed, Mary." Michaela tensed at his tone. She knew that tone. She'd used that tone many times before when delivering unfortunate news to a family. "Your suspicions, as they were…well, you were correct. You _are_ pregnant." Those three words were her emotional undoing. On the outside, she sat rigidly on the edge of the examination table, but on the inside, she was breaking even more. Her wonderings were becoming reality. He'd left her with so much more than emotional scars. He'd left her with a serious decision to make that would change the rest of her life no matter what she decided.

"Are you alright, Miss?" the nurse asked, glancing at the patient. Michaela couldn't move. She couldn't really do anything or think of the words she needed to say.

"I've seen many women come in here under similar circumstances, and I can tell you that while we don't perform terminations in the office, I can recommend you to someone who will be discreet and understanding of your situation." He was speaking above a whisper now. "You don't have to go right away. You look as if you need time to think." He cleared his throat. "Would you escort our patient to where she needs to go?"

"Of course, Dr. Nichols," Mary said softly. "Come on, Miss." Michaela stood from the table and followed Mary into the hall. "I can take you straight home." This snapped Michaela out of it. She remembered that this was supposed to be private, and she didn't want it getting out to everyone else that Dr. Josef Quinn's daughter was carrying a bastard child conceived through a rape.

"No, it's alright. I can get home from here."

"Are you sure, Miss? It wouldn't be a bother to…"

"Yes, please go back to work. I can get home by myself." Mary stood on the corner, watching Michaela walk away. She sighed sadly, remembering her own predicament all those years ago. She had made her own choice, and she couldn't help but wonder if this young woman would make the same.

* * *

The moment Josef saw the tears in his daughter's eyes, he knew it was true. He stood next to the train station, where he'd promised Michaela he'd meet her. As soon as she came up to him, he pulled her into a hug, feeling her crumble into a fit of tears.

"Oh Mike," he whispered. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry."

"Why, Father?" she asked. "Why is this happening? What did I do to deserve this?"

"Nothing. You didn't do anything," he assured her. "I had prayed this wouldn't happen. We all prayed."

"God isn't listening," Michaela whispered. "I'm not certain he ever was." Josef held his daughter closer.

"We can take care of this," he assured her softly, "if it's what you want." Michaela shook her head.

"What I want is for this to never have happened. What I want is to not have to make this choice!" She was angry not, at God, at the man who had done this and at the world for still having these crimes today.

"Mike, I know. You don't have to make the decision today…you can think about it, and…"

"What is there to think about?" she asked, her voice shaking in a whisper. "Father, everything I believe in tells me that it isn't right. Everything tells me that it shouldn't be done, that there's a purpose for everything. It's what I've always believed. But I don't know what I believe anymore. It's never been me. It's never been my decision."

"Mike, let's go home. Let's talk to your mother, and let's come to an understanding about…"

"I already know what Mother's going to say."

"No you don't," Josef said softly. "Give your mother a little credit. She might be a hard woman, but she's also a mother. A woman."

"There's somewhere I need to be," Michaela said quietly.

"Where could you possibly need to go?"

"The park," she said quietly.

"Do you think Sully will be there?"

"I don't know. I just need to go. Would you…would you take me, please?" Josef hesitated, worried about his daughter, but he finally nodded.

"Alright. Let's go."

* * *

Josef was waiting outside the gates of the park, while Michaela strolled through, barely noticing anything or anyone around her. She went to the park bench and sat down. Everything was a blur of colors through her teary eyes. Noises when rushing past her like a strong wind, but she couldn't pick up on any distinct voices. It was as if she was sitting in the bottom of a dark tin barrel and she was listening to the world go on around her, while she sat stuck in one place, desperate to get out but unable to claw her way to the top.

It wasn't long before she saw a familiar face. She was grateful he'd come to the park; to their spot, even though she didn't show up there anymore. He was happy to see her, but the moment he saw the look on her face, he knew this wasn't a happy occasion. The thoughts and wonderings that had been filling his head since he found out about the rape were bubbling back up to the surface again.

"Michaela? What is it?" He sat down beside her on the bench, immediately taking her hand.

"It isn't good, Sully. I don't know what it is…it's…"

"What? What is it? Tell me…" Michaela looked away, her hand squeezing his, and she began to cry. These days, he rarely ever saw her without seeing a few tears shed.

She looked back up into his eyes. There was no easy way to tell him. But she knew he would understand. She knew he wouldn't look at her and see what the rest of Boston would; just another woman who was in the wrong place at the wrong time and now had to deal with the consequences. Even now, gazing into those steely blue eyes gave her a sense of courage and relief, and she didn't know why. But she took a deep breath and let it all out.

"I'm pregnant." She fought the urge to look away, but she was grateful when she didn't, because she saw the look in his eyes turn not to disgust and rejection but to compassion. "I don't want your pity, Sully. I just want you to listen to me, because I need to talk."

He was blown away. It angered him that something like this could have happened to someone like her. It took every fiber of his being not to go looking for the bastard that did this to her, but he knew that what was most important was being there for her. The man who did this would get his comeuppance someday. Maybe not now, but his deeds would catch up to him before long, Sully was certain.

"I know," he said quietly, trying to wrap his head around all of this. "Talk to me." Michaela took a deep breath, and she let it out, trying to think of where to begin.

"I don't know what to do," she whispered. "Sully, I have to make a choice, and I don't think I can."

"A choice?" he asked, momentarily wondering but suddenly realizing what she meant. "You mean…whether to have the baby or not?"

"Yes," she whispered. "I'm supposed to sleep on it. How am I supposed to do that? How am I supposed to sleep knowing there's a child growing inside of me that might or might not be born? How am I supposed to decide to end this now or to let a child that had no choice in the matter be brought into this world, only for me to watch it grow every day and look more and more like a strange?"

"I…I don't know," he said quietly. "I never thought about this before…" Sully shifted on the park bench, taking Michaela's other hand in his. "What're you thinkin' about?"

"I'm thinking about my choice," she cried. "I know the risks. I'm a doctor. I've seen women come into the hospital bleeding and so close to death that it's frightening. I've seen women come in with infections and die because of the procedure. I've always told myself that when I became a mother, I would do whatever was best for my baby, regardless of the situation, but now…now I think about it and I wonder how I can be a mother to a child that I didn't want. How could I even attempt to explain to my child why he doesn't have a father?"

Sully was uncertain as to if he should say anything or just be quiet and let her think. He didn't have the answers for her, but he knew what she had to face ahead of her. Not just her own health, but her status as well. He had seen what the upper class could do to shun one of their acquaintances if something happened that didn't bode well with their beliefs. He knew how people would look at her, an unwed young woman who, in their own minds, was crazy enough to believe she could make it in a man's world. People could be cruel; perhaps cruel enough to assume that she had had it coming.

"Sully?"

"Hmm?"

"Am I a terrible person?"

"What? Of course not. Why would ya ask that?" She shook her head, averting her gaze.

"This baby didn't ask to be created." Sully nodded.

"And you didn't ask to get pregnant," he said quietly.

"But…how can I make a choice for some little person who…who for all we know already has thoughts and feelings of his own?"

"Ya don't have proof of that."

"No, but there are many things nobody has proof of," Michaela said, a sickening feeling twisting in her stomach. "I can't do this, Sully. I know I have time to think, but I just can't. I don't think I could ever get through it. There are women who can, but I…I'm not one of them."

"You're sure 'bout this?"

"Sully, you're not helping."

"I'm sorry. I just…I don't want ya to do somethin' you're gonna regret."

"That's why I can't go through with it. I can't, Sully. Because for the rest of my life, I'm going to wonder 'what if?'" Sully squeezed her hand. "I'm going to think about a child I once had the chance to have and wonder if perhaps it would have looked like me and not like this stranger…or perhaps he would be someone important in the world. There are no guarantees."

"No, there aren't. You're right," he said quietly.

"And…Sully, I don't know how many women I've seen who've gone the rest of their lives childless…and not for a lack of trying. I can't take that chance either. I want a family someday. Perhaps this is what's supposed to happen." She swallowed hard. "I prayed to God to fix this, and perhaps…perhaps this _is_ what he wants to happen. Perhaps this is for the best."

"Michaela, I don't know about God wantin' this, but I can see as plain as day that you don't wanna go through with it. As much as you don't wanna have his child, you're…you're not thinkin' about him. You're thinkin' about somebody else." His eyes gazed down at her stomach.

"I don't know what's going to happen, Sully, but I know I can't do this. Not while I'm fully aware of the risks and the possible consequences down the line." She swallowed hard. "I can't do it. I have to go through with this pregnancy." Sully nodded.

"I know you do. You're Michaela Quinn, the strongest lady I know." Michaela shook her head, smiling sadly.

"I don't feel like that woman anymore."

"You will again someday, I'm sure of it." He pulled his arm around her, and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"I don't know how to tell Mother." Sully stared off, listening to her speak. Just the thought of Michaela socializing with a man of his status was enough to send Elizabeth Quinn into fits of anger, so Sully could only imagine how she would react to her daughter's status as an unmarried, pregnant doctor who was about to embark on a westward journey with a male companion.

"She's your ma. She should understand…" He knew it didn't sound convincing.

"Sully, you don't know my mother like I do. I know she feels terrible about what happened, but she will insist on something being done. She would never stand for any of her daughters to be in my situation, by choice or not." She shook her head. "She's going to insist that I…that I…"

"Hey, hey. That ain't her choice to make."

"No, she's going to insist I find a husband."

"What?"

"That's Mother. If I'm an unmarried mother in Boston, I'll have enough marks against me…it could cost me a lot of things."

"But you ain't stayin' in Boston."

"No, I'm not," Michaela replied. Sully figured, however, that it would be quite the same anywhere else in the country. "It doesn't matter what I do or where I go, Sully. People are going to talk." She was certain that building a life and a career for herself was going to be even more difficult now, but still, she had to stand by her decision, because she knew what could happen if she didn't. "I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'll think of something." Shaking her head, she stood up.

"What if you didn't have to explain yourself to anybody?" Sully asked suddenly, standing up with her.

"What? Sully, that isn't going to happen. Word gets around in Boston. There's no way people wouldn't figure it out and start talking."

"No, I mean…what if people didn't have a reason to talk." Michaela shook her head. How could he even suggest something like that? People were going to talk. It didn't matter where she went or what she did. She'd always be the burdened pregnant woman, and eventually the mother without a husband. She would be ridiculed, turned against and scandalized. It wasn't something she wanted, but it was something she'd seen before. Women were always looked down upon for things like this, despite whoever had fault in it. She was going to have a family. It wasn't one she'd wanted or planned, but it was happening, and at this moment, she had no other options but to accept that and prepare for a long road ahead of her.

"I don't understand. What are you saying?"

"I'm saying...what if you were married? What if you had a husband, and people didn't wonder and ask about the father?" Michaela couldn't believe her ears.

"What?" she asked, eyes wide and heart racing. What was he suggesting? "Sully, you can't seriously be…"

"I am serious." He took her hands in his. He was going into this blindly, his words coming from his heart; from the desire to help his friend get through anything. Seeing the pain in her eyes cut him deeply, and he didn't want to see her hurt anymore than she had been. He just knew that the talk of the town would always come back to her and hurt her over and over again, and she didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve any of it. Perhaps there was a way around it, and the only solution he could think of came pouring out from his very soul. "Michaela Quinn, will you marry me?"

_Feedback would be great! Please let me know what you think of the story! _


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Sully, what are you…what are you thinking?" Michaela asked. "How could us getting married solve any of this?" Michaela stood quickly, pacing in front of the bench. Sully watched her go back and forth, back and forth. "This isn't…I don't understand…"

"Hear me out," he urged, taking her hand. She looked at him questioningly, and he let go of her. "Just, please, sit down." His stomach was twisted up into as many knots as hers was now. The fact that he'd just proposed to the most amazing woman he'd ever known was one thing, but the fact that she had no idea of his growing feelings of her was another. Still, he didn't want to be a selfish man. He wanted her to know that her feelings came first and foremost in his life, and as much as it killed him to think about her marrying another man, it really was her decision.

Michaela sat down next to her friend, trying hard to look him in the eyes. But her face was flushed with what wasn't quite embarrassment, but she couldn't put a name on it right yet.

"Alright," she said.

"Look, Michaela," he said tenderly, placing his hand over hers. She glanced down at their hands joined together for a moment before looking back into his eyes. "I know how things go. I'm sure your ma would suggest you get married too, like ya said. If you got married now, it wouldn't be for love."

"No, you're right about that," she said hesitantly, almost wondering if she believed that. She chewed her lower lip, as her heart started to flutter a little. Something about that angered her, because she wasn't supposed to feel like this, especially after what had happened. She wasn't supposed to let herself feel close to anybody, but her heart had other plans. She tried to shake it all off, but he continued, and it made it much harder to do so.

"Michaela, all I'm sayin' is…is…if ya marry me, you got a husband, and nobody will think twice about who the father of your baby is. Your baby could have my name…if…if that's what ya want. Your baby wouldn't have to grow up wonderin' who his father is…askin' you…wantin' to know why…" He had a point. She couldn't deny that.

"I couldn't ask you to do that."

"You're not. I'm askin' you." His own heart was about to beat right out of his chest. He didn't want Michaela to see how frightened he was, but he knew she was just as frightened about the whole idea.

"Sully, marry you?"

"What? It ain't that terrible of an idea, is it?"

"No," she said quickly. "No, it's…it's not. I just…Sully, marriage is a very big step from…from friendship."

"Why does it have to be?" he asked. "Folks have gotten married for reasons other than love before, right?"

"Well, yes, I suppose so."

"And besides, I do…love you. You're my friend, Michaela. The best I've ever known." Michaela sighed softly and nodded.

"And you're the best friend I've ever known." Sully stared into her eyes, trying to read her.

"And it…it would only be…what you want it to be. We'd be married, and we'd live together, but…but you'd have your own room, and I'd have mine. We'd be husband and wife by name and by law, but…but the rest is…" Michaela watched him stumble over the words, and tears came to her eyes. "And if either one of us ever wants out…the other will…"

"The other will agree, because…we're friends, and that means we want each other to be happy." Sully nodded.

"Exactly." He was thankful she'd finished the words he wasn't even certain he could say. The thought of losing Michaela from his life was too difficult to consider. "The last thing you need is folks talkin' 'bout somethin' you had no control over. We could get married, and…and we could raise your baby."

"Sully, you don't have to do this!" Michaela explained. "This is too much."

"I'm offerin', Michaela. I wanna help you."

"I don't want to be a burden to you." Sully shook his head.

"You could never be a burden to me, you hear me?" Michaela nodded but looked down. He gently placed his hand against her cheek, and she looked back up at him with surprise. "I'm askin' ya to be my wife. I'm askin' ya to let me help you through this. I want to help, and I know ya wanna do this on your own, but…I just wanna be there. I want this to be as easy as possible for ya. Ya didn't ask for any of this."

"Why, Sully? Are you…are you taking pity on me, because you know no man will ever want me? Is that why?" She was giving him an out. But she was also trying to find out how much he wanted to help her. She knew it was wrong, but she also wanted to be certain that this was something he was getting into for the long haul.

"Michaela, any man would be crazy not to want you," Sully stated calmly, smiling slightly while he gazed into her eyes. "You're beautiful, smart, fun. You're everything anybody could ever dream for." Michaela felt her heart racing again, and she took a calming breath. "I'm doin' this, 'cause I want ya to heal. I want ya to heal without dealin' with the folks in this world who don't understand." He watched her lower lip tremble and then a tear slip down her face. He brushed it away for her. "Michaela? Will you marry me?"

She could hear the honest truth in his words, and she could see it in his eyes. It broke her heart to think that he was willingly giving up life as he knew it to be a husband to her and a father to her child. Whatever her heart was feeling toward him right now didn't matter. As much as she felt so close to him, something she'd never felt toward anybody before, she couldn't let that interfere with this arrangement, should it happen. He wanted to marry her to save her from shame he felt she didn't deserve, and he wanted to give her child, a child she had only just learned about, a home. A child like this deserved happiness after such a horrible beginning.

So, she nodded, and she smiled gratefully at her friend.

"Alright," she whispered. He watched her curiously.

"Alright?" She nodded.

"Yes. Yes, Sully, I will marry you." Sully smiled out of both gratitude and relief, as he pulled her into his arms for a hug. Michaela rested her head on his shoulder, and she closed her eyes, feeling things turning for the better. There wasn't a doubt in her mind now that Sully wanted to do this for her, and she only hoped that he wouldn't regret it later. She kept in mind that if he wanted out, she would let him go, though the thought of him wanting to leave frightened her. She'd grown to depend on him so much over the past few weeks, and it scared her to think about him disappearing from her life. She hoped that would never happen, but they were both going into this blindly, not knowing where it would go or how it would work.

"Ya deserve the best, Michaela, and I wanna give you that."

"You've already done enough," she whispered, still resting her head on his shoulder. "I can't thank you enough…for everything."

"Ya don't owe me any thanks."

"I do," she said with a nod, pulling back. "You've been wonderful to me." Tears flooded her eyes. "I wish there was something I could do for you."

"You've already done it," he assured her. "You talked to me. You listened. You were a friend to me in a place where I'm not wanted and where folks turn their noses down, thinkin' things about me they couldn't even know. You don't owe me nothin'." Michaela sighed and shivered a little, all of the emotions she'd felt that day coming back at her full force. Sully could feel her shudder. "Are you alright?"

"Yes," she said quietly. "I'd like to go home. We…we need to tell my parents of our plans." Sully nodded. He knew this was one part she wasn't looking forward to. He wasn't exactly looking forward to it either.

"Don't worry," he whispered, "I'll be by your side." He took her hand for a moment, giving it a little squeeze. Finally, he wrapped his arm around her and escorted her to the front gate of the park. Josef was standing there waiting when they returned.

"Michaela? Sully?" He noticed Sully's arm wrapped protectively around her waist. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes," Michaela said with a nod. "I'm rather hungry. Perhaps we should get home." Josef nodded, and he eyed Sully, who swallowed hard. Sully only nodded to confirm that he knew. Josef nodded back as if to tell Sully he was grateful for his still sticking around.

* * *

"Mother?" Michaela said softly, stepping into Elizabeth's sitting room. Elizabeth was applying powder to her face.

"Come in," Elizabeth called to her daughter. When Michaela walked in, she closed the door behind herself. Elizabeth could see the look on her daughter's face, and she turned in her chair. She'd been waiting all day for Michaela to return from the doctor's appointment, and with her having been gone so long, she had already assumed the worst and figured that Michaela had already made her decision, but her daughter was often an unpredictable young woman, so she wanted to be sure.

"Mother, I have some news for you." Elizabeth's jaw clenched, as she braced herself. Just the look in her daughter's eyes told her the truth. Sighing with hurt, Elizabeth covered her face with her hands, trying to let what she knew she was about to hear really sink in. "Dr. Nichols confirmed the pregnancy this morning, and I've been…I've been trying to think of the right choice."

"And I assume you have?" Elizabeth asked, looking up. "You've been gone so long. Where…where did you go?"

"What?" Michaela asked.

"To have the abortion." Michaela shook her head. How did one actually respond to a question like that?

"I didn't."

"You didn't?" Elizabeth asked, trying to stand but unable to find the energy. "You're…you're still pregnant?"

"Yes," Michaela replied. She'd grown up all of her life hearing that pregnancy was a blessing, and it should be considered that way no matter what, but as a doctor, she knew that not all pregnancies were blessings and some were often risky. However, being in good physical shape and at the right age, she knew the pregnancy had a good chance of being successful, despite the circumstances.

"Alright," Elizabeth said with a nod. "I'm glad."

"You are?" Michaela wasn't certain if she was shocked about this or not.

"Yes. I…I was hasty when I first learned of the…the incident, and I immediately wanted it to be taken care of, should a…a pregnancy arise." Michaela could hear the hesitation in her mother's voice. The Quinn women were never much for speaking of such matters. "But I don't think it would be wise to go through with it."

"You don't?"

"No. I believe God gives us obstacles to overcome, and I believe this is one." Michaela nodded her head.

"Yes, I agree with you." She chewed on her lower lip, as Elizabeth finally stood and came to embrace her.

"I am sorry, Michaela," she said softly. "I do wish there was something that I could do to help you…"

"There is, Mother," Michaela said quietly. "You can…you can support me through this. Through…everything."

"You know I will. I don't condone pregnancy out of marriage, though, so I do insist that you…that you find a suitable husband to take care of you. And I want you to stop this nonsense about being a doctor. You aren't respected as a doctor, Michaela."

"Mother, I'm not quitting!" Michaela insisted. "But I do agree with you. I…I do think having a husband would be a good idea. My child would…it would have a father. And I wouldn't have to explain myself. I don't feel I should have to, but you know how people talk, how they pry into your business when it's none of theirs." Elizabeth raised her eyebrows, surprised that her daughter was readily agreeing to marry.

"Well, I think you will see when that child is born that being a mother, even to a child brought into the world under these circumstances, will take precedence over everything else." Michaela turned away.

"I don't know what's going to happen, Mother, but I do know that I will be getting married." She didn't want to argue with her mother about her profession right now, but she did want to tell her about Sully before dinner so that she would have a chance to cool off and hopefully not make a scene.

"Well, I _am_ glad to hear that. Do you have someone in mind? I know Dr. Lewis has always taken a fancy to you. Oh, and his brother returned from his trip to Europe recently. Perhaps him? I remember them always fighting over you when you were younger." Michaela shook her head.

"No," she said quietly. "Mother, Sully has asked me for my hand, and I've accepted." Elizabeth stood before her, frozen and mouth agape in disbelief.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that," she said, turning to look in the mirror as she put her earbobs in.

"You can pretend all you like, but Sully's speaking to Father right now, asking his permission."

"This is preposterous!" Elizabeth exclaimed. "You can't marry him!"

"Why not?"

"Because he's not…" she hesitated, trying to find the words.

"He's not what, Mother?" Michaela dared.

"He's not right for you!"

"Then please, Mother, tell me who you feel is right for me?" Elizabeth gritted her teeth at her daughter's question.

"Somebody who can support you and _that_." Elizabeth gestured at Michaela's stomach. Michaela was a bit taken off guard. First, she was praying that Michaela wasn't pregnant. Then she was praising her daughter for not going through with an abortion. Now she was referring to the child as 'that?' "It won't be long before you start to show, Michaela, and then where will you be?"

"Precisely!" Michaela exclaimed. "Sully's offered, because he wants to help me. He doesn't have ulterior motives. How many men do you know that would marry a woman in my condition?"

"That's why you should marry now. The baby could still pass as…" Michaela's eyes widened.

"You want me to marry a man under false pretenses? You want me to let him think that…that it's his child?"

"Michaela, I don't see why…"

"That's the most terrible thing I've ever heard. No! I won't do it." Elizabeth shook her head, as if looking down her nose at her youngest daughter.

"You don't have a choice, Michaela! If you marry Mr. Sully, where will that leave you? You'll be poor and working to…to support _him_!" Michaela sighed in frustration.

"After all of this time, you still can't see the good in him, can you?" Elizabeth crossed her arms. "You can't." Michaela shook her head. "Sully is a good man, and he's a caring friend. He wants to help me and this child. He wants to give this baby a family." Elizabeth snorted in disbelief. "I don't want to be in this position, Mother! If I had the choice, this never would have happened, but it did! And I can't blame this child for something it had no control over. And neither can Sully. That's why he's offering to marry me." Elizabeth laughed.

"And you believe him? You've been understandably emotional lately, Michaela, but you are blind! He's only doing this because you have money!"

"You don't know what you're talking about, Mother."

"You may not choose to believe me, but one day you'll see that he's only using you." Michaela shook her head, tears in her eyes.

"No!" she exclaimed. "He cares for me, and I care for him."

"You don't love him?"

"You don't care about marrying for love," Michaela spat. "You only care about marrying for money! That's not what Sully wants."

"You're so naïve."

"Maybe I am," Michaela replied with a shrug of her shoulders, "but I know Sully's a genuine person, and I know he wants to help me. So I've agreed, and I will be marrying him, with or without your approval." Michaela turned and stormed out of her mother's room, heading to her room to change for dinner.

* * *

"You want to what?" Josef asked, as he and Sully sat in the parlor. Josef puffed on his pipe, taking in the question Sully had just asked him.

"I want to marry your daughter," he said nervously.

"You…I don't…what?" Josef scratched his head in disbelief. This wasn't the first time a man had asked for one of his daughters' hands in marriage, but the situation here was very delicate.

"Sir, I know we don't know each other very well, but I hope that the last couple'a weeks have shown ya that I really care about your daughter."

"But…marriage?"

"You know your wife's upstairs right now tryin' to explain to Michaela that she's gotta get married if she's gonna go through with havin' this baby. And she's also gonna try to convince her that I ain't right for her. To tell ya the truth, I don't know if I _am_ right for your daughter. I don't have much money, I didn't go to some fancy college, and I don't have family. But I do have a name to give her and her baby, and as her friend, I wanna do that. She's lost a lot of faith in folks, but she still talks to me. She still wants me around, and I'm glad, 'cause she's the most special lady I've ever known."

Josef considered Sully's words, repeating them over and over again in his mind. Sully watched the older doctor as he thought about it. Minutes of silence passed, and Sully began to grow nervous. He knew Michaela deserved so much better, but for some reason, she'd agreed to be his wife, and she seemed to believe it would be a good idea to marry him. Still, he couldn't help but feel a pang of worry, knowing that in his own words, he'd told her that if she ever wanted out of it, he wouldn't fight her on it. The more he thought about it, the more he knew it would hurt to watch her leave, but if that's what was going to make her happy, then he would honor it.

"Sir?" Sully studied the older man's face. "I know she's your youngest daughter, and ya want what's best for her. But so do I. Maybe I can't give her the fanciest house in Boston, but I can give her…stability and...and a home."

"My Mike's never been about the extravagant things," Josef pointed out. "She's much like me. I was born into this life and knew nothing more until I became a doctor and saw the other side of life. But Michaela grew up going to the hospital with me. I wanted her to see what I saw, and I wanted her to know and understand that there are things much more important in life than money and fancy dresses and expensive houses."

"I know," Sully said quietly. "She told me how you'd take her with ya. That's what made her wanna be a doctor."

"That's partly it, but she's always been one to put people first, and even now, I think that's what she's doing."

"You do?"

"Hmm," he nodded. "She's thinking about a child that's barely even created. Now, I'm not saying I think she should end the pregnancy, but I'm saying that she's thinking about the fact that this child's innocent." He sighed heavily. "I remember the first time she saw a child die. She came home, tears in her eyes. She'd held the child in her arms as he passed, and she said this to me: She said, 'Father, I don't understand how God can take such innocent lives from this world.'" He shook his head again. "She couldn't have been more than fifteen at the time. She often spent her nights volunteering on the children's ward, reading them stories and cheering them up. I think it was that moment when she decided she wanted to become a doctor so she could try to save lives that shouldn't be lost."

"And her ma don't understand that, does she?" Josef shook his head.

"No. She doesn't understand why Michaela can't be more like her sisters. They all married right out of finishing school and had children, just as they were expected to do. Michaela, however, went on to college and became a doctor, even though she had everything in the world against her, except for me."

"She's lucky she has you for a Pa," Sully said with a nod. "She thinks an awful lot of you, ya know?" Josef chuckled.

"She's always been my little girl. I love all of my daughters, but Mike's always been my special little project, I suppose. Well, that's what Elizabeth calls her, anyway. Michaela's a few years younger than Marjorie, so when she came into the world, I expected her to be a boy. I already had all of these plans for him, and when _she_ came, well, she took to me right away. Oh, she put up quite a fuss with her mother, but I had this way with her. I was the only one that could console her when she was upset." He shrugged his shoulders. "I can't trust her with just anyone, Sully. I hope you understand that."

"I do, Sir. And I respect it."

"I can tell. I've gotten to know you much better recently, and I see the way my daughter looks at you and how you look at her." He smiled a little. "The two of you don't see it, but I do. I know love when I see it." Sully shifted in his seat. "You're marrying her out of friendship, but you truly love her, don't you?"

"Sir, I…"

"It wouldn't be a good idea to start this engagement off by lying to me about your feelings for my daughter." Sully swallowed hard, and he scrambled to find the words. But hearing Josef put it that way gave him a ray of hope that he would be accepted as Michaela's betrothed, at least by Dr. Quinn himself.

"I…I don't wanna scare her, Dr. Quinn. But, yeah. I do. I love her. Very much." Josef nodded, grateful for Sully's honesty.

"I understand why you don't want to scare her," Josef said with a nod. "And it takes a good man to not want to spring that on her while she's vulnerable." Josef put his pipe down in the ashtray, and he reached out, extending his hand to Sully. Josef smiled at the shocked look on Sully's face. "It would be an honor to have a man like you as a son-in-law."

"Thank you, Sir. Thank you."

"You're leaving in a little over a week, correct?"

"Yes."

"Then we'll have to put together a nice little wedding for you before that time comes."

"Ya don't have to do that."

"If my daughter's getting married, I want to be there to walk her down the aisle. I want to be able to hand her over to a man that I trust will take good care of her while she heals."

"Alright," Sully said with a nod.

"Now, I know Michaela has her own money, but I want to send you both off with a little something extra to help you get started."

"Sir, you really don't have to do that."

"No, I don't, but I want to. I know you're a hardworking man, and you're going to do what you can to support your family, but I want to make certain that Mike is also comfortable, especially during this difficult time." Sully nodded.

"I understand. You don't have to do this, but I know what ya mean. I don't want Michaela to have to worry about anything either." Josef nodded.

"We'll talk more about this at dinner. I believe I had better go check on my wife, because if I know her, she's probably a second's notice away from climbing the walls." Josef shook his head, trying to make light of the situation but knowing it wasn't really working. There was nothing light about this. Marriages were supposed to be happy times, but all of this was centered around an event that should never have happened; a baby that should never have been created. But, there was a plan, and whatever it was, it was going to play out the way it was supposed to. Josef only hoped that that only meant good things for his daughter and not a lifetime of regret.

_Thanks again for all of the encouraging feedback. Yes, I realize this relationship is a bit rushed, but think about it. If you were a high society woman who was already scandalized for being a woman doctor, what would people say when you started to show, if you continued with the pregnancy? Scandal with whatever decision, really. I just see it as Sully's way of helping his dear friend so that things aren't any harder than they already are. Anyway, I hope you continue to let me know what you think! If you have any questions, feel free to put them in your feedback or e-mail me. :) Thanks!_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Dinner had gone off surprisingly well. Elizabeth had refused to say much of anything, and as soon as she was finished eating, she excused herself, but she hadn't spat out any unpleasant remarks at Sully, which Michaela took as a good sign, though she knew that her mother was still very angry about her decision to marry him.

Josef retired shortly after dinner, and Michaela and Sully headed out into the garden. The light of the moon lit the path, and they headed back to the tree swing. Sully held onto the ropes, and he motioned for Michaela to sit down.

"What?"

"Just sit down. You've been on your feet all day."

"I'm alright," Michaela noted.

"C'mon," he said with a smile. His intentions were purely to make her smile and to make her feel happy again, carefree like a child. He knew that given the circumstances, that wasn't going to be an easy task, but he also knew she was trying to work through everything and find that happiness again. Michaela knew he was trying, and she appreciated that, so she sat down in the swing, holding onto the ropes, as he gently pulled back and then let go. The breeze rushed past her, and she felt his hands nudge gently on her back, pushing her a little higher. She sighed, closing her eyes, feeling lighter than air, as he continued to push her. Soon, she couldn't feel him anymore, and was swinging higher and higher. Holding on tight, she leaned back, just as she had as a child and felt her long hair float behind her.

Sully watched, mesmerized as she flew through the air, holding on tightly but lying back, as if she trusted him to catch her. His hand reached out, and her hair brushed against his fingertips as she swung by. He sighed, catching the scent of her hair in the breeze.

Inside, Elizabeth stood at the bedroom window, watching Sully and Michaela in the garden. She shook her head, clucking her tongue in disapproval.

"When will that girl ever learn?"

"She's not a girl, Lizzie," Josef said quietly, "she's a woman."

"A woman who's sitting in a swing, acting as if she's ten-years-old again. She has too much to think about and to do, and she's sitting out there, letting him paw all over her and…"

"Lizzie, come to bed," Josef said with exasperation in his voice.

"I don't like it, Josef!" Elizabeth said, stamping her foot and closing the curtains roughly. "She's been through a terrible ordeal. She should be…she should be terrified to be alone with him."

"Aren't you glad she isn't? It's better for her to trust someone than to not trust anyone at all."

"I don't want to see her get hurt again, Josef. I don't feel right about her marrying him. And _you_ gave him your approval! Your consent!" She pulled the covers back and climbed into bed, fluffing her pillow. "I can't believe you, Josef Quinn."

"I wouldn't have given my consent if I didn't trust him."

"Just how well can you trust someone you haven't known more than…"

"Lizzie, I'm not arguing with you. He's good for her. I wish you could see that."

"I can't see how a man with little money, no family and nothing to offer can be good for our daughter, especially now that she's going to be a mother."

"We don't even know if she's going to be a mother, Lizzie," Josef said quietly.

"What are you talking about?"

"Just because she's chosen to go through with the pregnancy doesn't mean she'll keep the baby." Josef blew out the lamp at his bedside. "There's a very real possibility that she won't be able to keep the child without reminding herself constantly of something she would very much like to forget." Elizabeth lay there in silence. "Good night, Elizabeth."

"Good night," she said quietly, blowing out her lamp. She lay there, staring up at the ceiling and pondering her husband's words. Could Michaela give her child up? Would it be best? What would it mean for her upcoming marriage to Sully? There were so many questions without any answers, and she figured that if Michaela was set on marrying Sully, she would, but it didn't mean it was the best thing for her.

* * *

In the morning, Michaela came down to breakfast to find that her father had already gone to work. She settled down across from her and began to spread butter on a roll. Martha came in and readied the orange juice, but Michaela held her hand up, her stomach turning at the thought of something so acidic.

"I'll have milk this morning, Martha. Thank you." Martha nodded and went to fetch the milk from the ice house.

"Are you alright?" Elizabeth asked, her voice full of concern and strain.

"Just feeling a little weak this morning," she said quietly, taking a couple bites of her roll before placing it down.

"You look awfully pale." Michaela didn't want to tell her it was because she'd been throwing up all morning in the washroom.

"I'm alright," Michaela assured her.

"Michaela, I want to apologize to you for losing my temper yesterday. I suppose I just don't feel like Mr. Sully's good enough for you."

"I know you don't, but you're my mother so it doesn't surprise me. But I wish you'd give him a chance. He's a wonderful man, and we're going to be a family."

"Are you?"

"What do you mean?" Michaela wondered.

"I know you're going through with the pregnancy, but does that mean you're going actually going to raise this child?" Michaela tensed at the question. She had to admit that the idea frightened her. As of now, it was the plan, but she tried hard not to think about the fact that the child might turn out to look exactly like the man that forced it into existence.

"I don't know," Michaela admitted. "I actually spoke with Sully last night before he went home. He told me that whatever I decided to do, he'd be ok with."

"Let me guess, because it'll be the best choice for you?"

"Yes, actually," Michaela replied quickly. "And yes, I believe him. I just haven't…I haven't decided if I can raise a child that I had no choice in conceiving."

"Michaela, there is always adoption."

"Yes, I know," Michaela replied. She'd considered that option as well, but she had a good eight more months to make a final decision. Still, she knew deep down that the sooner she made a choice, the more final it should seem with the time came.

"You can always leave the child with your father and myself. We'll raise it." Michaela glanced up at her mother with surprise.

"What? Mother, that's not possible."

"Why isn't it?"

"Because, well…"

"Because your father and I aren't as young as we used to be? Perhaps not, but we've raised five daughters the best we knew how, and no matter how much I might criticize, you all turned out very well. It's just that certain circumstances have prevented you from having what your sisters have."

"Mother," Michaela said quietly, "I don't know what's going to happen. I've told you that. I've often wondered how I could love a child that came from all of this mess, but if I find that I can, I will raise the child, because I'm making the choice to bring it into this world. If I can't, I'll find the best possible home…"

"And that's not with your father and myself?"

"I didn't say that."

"Michaela, there are too many things you haven't even thought of yet."

"I know." Martha came in with the glass of milk and handed it to Michaela before heading off. Michaela took a drink and wiped her mouth. "I just can't think about them right now."

"Well you need to! You can't become a parent without first considering your options." Michaela shook her head. "Don't shake your head at me, Michaela Quinn. You may think I disapprove of every little thing you do, but it's not true. I just want to see you have the best possible life, because I won't be here forever, and I'd hate for something to happen and you not know how to fix it."

"I can take care of myself. There's no need to worry."

"But I am worried. You're going about, acting as if everything is going to be taken care of. You were raped, Michaela, less than a month ago!" Michaela flinched at her mother's words. "I don't bring it up to hurt you, but you're going to be reminded of it every single day. You need to make sure you're ready to accept that, to embrace it, because when you have this child, it might look just like you, or it could look just like the man who hurt you. Can you honestly say you can go through the rest of your life bringing up a child that can only remind you of that pain?"

"I'm very well aware of that, Mother. I know what could happen, but I also know I could never blame a child for being born."

"But you've made these decisions so quickly! First to keep the baby and then to marry Mr. Sully?! All within a day's time! And you're going about acting fine, and I know you, Michaela. I know you're not fine."

"Perhaps not," Michaela replied, "but I will be. In my own time, I will be." Michaela stood and left the breakfast table, angry and upset that she and her mother couldn't seem to walk out of a conversation without one or both of them feeling hurt.

* * *

_There are things I can't even think about sometimes. There are things I certainly can't say to anyone. I can't tell them how I remember every moment of the assault. I remember how I received each bruise and I remember the moment he took something from me that was intended for only one man, the man I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with. _

_I wonder if that man is Sully. I care for him, but I could never tell him how deeply. He's become so much to me, and I wonder if perhaps my vulnerability has clouded my judgment and made me need him even more. Still, before it all, I was fond of him; more fond of him than a woman should be of a male acquaintance. But how can I tell him? He's marrying me to save me from the burden and anguish of having to explain why my child has no father. Which excuse would be more embarrassing? That the father isn't in my life or that I was raped? I know rape isn't something to be embarrassed about, but to have people knowing that a man had his way with me; that he impregnated me with a child that I never wanted? I think this is best for everyone, but I fear how Sully may react if I tell him my true feelings. I don't feel ready to tell him. I don't feel ready to love, but it's happening, and I can't stop it._

_Love. What is love, anyway? I love Sully for everything he's been to me lately. I love him for listening to me and for not judging me for the choices I've made. I love him for being so selfless as to ask me to marry him to make my burdens go away. Even still, I wonder sometimes, when he looks at me, if perhaps he cares for me as I care for him. Could he love me? Could we one day tell one another "I love you" and mean it the way it's supposed to be meant? I don't know. The thought frightens me. I feel as if I'm broken, but I want desperately to feel whole again. _

_I also fear of what the next year will bring. In eight months, I'm going to be a mother, and I'm going to have to make another hard choice. How does a child not created in love instill love in a mother's heart? Does it come naturally? Already, I feel myself thinking about the child, wanting to protect it because of its innocence. But still, is this what every mother feels? Surely, a happily pregnant woman doesn't wish she'd never become pregnant. _

_I feel like a terrible person, unable to fully love my child. I want to, but the shock of it is disabling, and it's hard to think about. _

_A mother's job is to love and protect her child. I will protect it, but I worry that perhaps I won't love it the way a mother should. I fear that I might show resentment toward the child without meaning to. The last thing a child deserves is a life like that. Perhaps Mother is right. Perhaps it would be best to send the child away; send it somewhere that I know it will be truly loved, instead of staying with me, a woman who has never raised a child, knows only the bare minimum and doesn't even know if she can look at it without feeling pain._

_I suppose it could come in time, this maternal instinct. I fear it will never come, but the more I worry, the more I think about this: Every woman who makes the choice to continue a pregnancy after something like this certainly has enough love for the child to let it be born, let it live, let it experience. I know that on that level, I do love my child and feel for its already tumultuous, short life. I only worry that I'll make a terrible mother due to my feelings toward this pregnancy. I don't ever want to be the kind of mother who resents a child for being born, for being created. _

Tears flooded her eyes as she finished writing. She re-read it, seeing her thoughts spilling out repetitively. IT was the only way she could truly find release for a temporary moment. The words came with the tears, and when she closed her diary, she sobbed into her hands, uncertain of everything. Her mother was certainly right. She was _not_ alright. She had a long road ahead of her, and she knew her child did too.

Her mother's words ran over and over again through her head. Give up her child to be raised by a deserving family, or perhaps let her parents raise their grandchild in Boston, where she herself had grown up, or keep the child and raise it herself? Either way, there were emotional issues involved.

Keeping the child might constantly remind her of the rape and of how painful it had been to heal from it all. Sending the child away would constantly have her concerned, wondering if the child was being properly cared for; if it was being given enough attention. She hoped that when the time came, she could make the right choice. It was a back and forth issue in her heart and her head right now, but she decided to let God's plan play out. In the end, she would know, and she would be able to make that choice, no matter how hard it was.

* * *

Sully lay in the grass in the park, staring up at the bright blue sky. He had finished his work for Mr. Mercer quite early, and he'd taken the opportunity to rest a bit before going to the Quinn house for dinner that night. Wedding plans were already being made. Despite Elizabeth's reluctance to become a part of the planning, Michaela's oldest and favorite sister Rebecca had already agreed to help throw her sister the best wedding they could come up with in less than a week's time. Rebecca was already sending out wedding invitations, and the engagement had only just happened the night before.

Sully sighed, thinking back to his and Michaela's conversation the night before.

"_Sully, I can't believe what you're giving up for me."_

"_I ain't givin' nothin' up. I like spendin' time with ya. It'll still be the same, 'cept we'll be married." Michaela nodded her head. "In a legal way, of course. The baby'll have two parents to take care of it, and…"_

"_That's just it, Sully. I don't…I don't know if I can raise this child."_

"_What?" Sully wondered._

"_I…I want to make the best choice possible for my baby, but I don't know if that's…necessarily me. I don't know if I'm the best mother for it." _

"_Oh," Sully said slowly._

"_Sully, I would understand if you wanted to back out. There are no guarantees that…"_

"_Hey, hey, I wanna do this for you. I just want ya to know that I'll be here to help ya with whatever it is ya decide. If ya wanna raise the baby, I'll be as best a pa as I can be. If ya want to give it up, I'll be here to support ya, and if…if ya want to move on, I'll understand." Michaela sighed heavily._

"_I feel terrible, Sully. I don't know what to do."_

"_Ya only just found out. Ya got plenty of time."_

"_It doesn't feel that way. I want to be prepared, but the moment I start to feel like I know what I want, I start to have doubts." Sully nodded, taking her hands in his._

"_You'll know what the right thing is as soon as the baby's born."_

"_That's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of seeing the baby and…and not loving it." Tears flooded her eyes. "But more than that, I think I'm afraid of seeing it and…and loving it too much. Loving it with all of my heart and soul."_

"_That's such a bad thing?"_

"_No, but…I think perhaps it should be."_

"_There's nothin' wrong with lovin' a child." _

Sully closed his eyes, as the sun peeked out from behind a cloud. The truth was that he wanted to be a pa. He'd wanted to be a pa for so long, and now he was getting the chance. He was getting everything he'd ever wanted. A wonderful wife and a child. Still, it was so uncertain. The likelihood of it all being taken from him was so much greater in this situation, and it frightened him. He just hoped that Michaela made the right choice, whatever that was for her.

He thought back to his childhood. It had been a long time since he'd really thought about it. His father had died when he was young, and he'd been raised by a severely depressed mother. His childhood hadn't been a great one, so he did understand why Michaela could be so worried. What if she was put in the same situation as his mother? What if the child suffered because its mother wasn't in the right state to raise it? There were so many questions; so many concerns, but with a new life coming into the world, there were also so many possibilities.

Despite the graveness of the situation, he couldn't help wondering what it might be like raising a child with Michaela, watching that child grow and play, learning about the way the world works. It was possible. It was very possible, and he knew in his heart that when Michaela took one look at her newborn child, she was going to fall head over heels in love, no matter what.

_Thanks for all of the support and feedback! Please let me know what you thought of Chapter 9!_


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"Who did you say was coming?" Michaela asked her mother as she stood in the foyer in one of her finest dresses. Sully would be there any moment, and soon, the engagement dinner would start.

"Dr. David Lewis and his brother John," Elizabeth explained.

"Mother, how could you have invited them?" Michaela asked incredulously.

"They're friends of the family, dear," Elizabeth pointed out, arranging the hors d'oeuvres, while Martha was putting the finishing touches on dinner.

"I know what you're doing, Mother."

"I thought that was perfectly clear, Michaela. I'm getting the house ready for _your_ engagement party. If I remember correctly, you _are _getting married in the morning."

"No, I know what you're doing. You think that if you invite David, you can somehow convince me to marry him. And that won't happen. I'm perfectly happy with my decision to marry Sully." Elizabeth shook her head.

"Michaela, contrary to what you might think, I don't spend every moment of my day thinking of ways to make you angry. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to ask Martha how much longer dinner will be." Elizabeth flounced off, and Michaela shook her head. A knock came to the door, and Harrison the butler made his way over. Michaela's eyes lit up when she saw Sully and she immediately went to greet him with a hug.

When she pulled back, Sully was overwhelmed by her beauty. Her dress, a soft blue with white lace covering the shoulders and bodice clung to her, as the skirt pooled down to the floor, making soft swishing noises with every movement. Her hair was done up, little ringlets falling about her neck. The sweet scent of soap and perfume drifted between them, intoxicating him momentarily.

He shook it off, trying to control his growing feelings for her. It wasn't easy, but it was possible, especially now, when this was the last thing Michaela needed.

"Ya look beautiful," was all he could manage. She smiled.

"Thank you. You look very handsome. You should go say hello to my mother. She'll faint at the sight of you in a suit." Sully chuckled, and he pulled his arm around her tenderly, eyeing her to see if she would mind. She just smiled at him, so he felt more comfortable.

Michaela was happy he was feeling more comfortable around her. At first, he had been trying to tiptoe around her, afraid that any little thing might upset her. But, she had assured him just days ago that she wasn't going to break. People couldn't go out of their way to make her feel comfortable. She needed to get on with living, and Sully had finally managed to understand that.

He was still hesitant, afraid that the slightest touch might make her uncomfortable, but so far, she wasn't showing any signs. She looked positively glowing, which surprised him. He honestly didn't expect to see the happiness in her eyes like he might if she were marrying under other circumstances. But she seemed the happiest he'd seen her since before the rape.

"You doin' ok, tonight?"

"Yes," Michaela said with a confident nod. "I'm feeling a bit better. The last few days have been rather emotional, but I think I've cried myself out of tears." She sighed.

"You've had a lot to think about," Sully pointed out.

"Yes. Yes, I have." She placed her hand on her still flat stomach. "I had a dream about the baby last night."

"Did ya?" She nodded. "What kinda dream?"

"I suppose it was a good one. I felt at peace in the dream. I…I just remember being handed the baby, and I looked down at it…and…" she blushed.

"And what?"

"Well, the baby looked like you. I know it isn't possible, but…but it did." Sully smiled. "The thing was…in the dream, I knew the child wasn't yours. I knew why I had the baby. But the moment I saw it, I was filled with…with this overwhelming sense of…" Her voice trailed off, and Sully gently rubbed her back.

"Sounds like a good dream."

"It was," she whispered. "I only hope that dream becomes reality when the time comes."

"Ya never know," he said, trying to ease her fears. "Looks like our first guests are here." He nodded toward the door. Harrison was greeting two young men. One looked to be just a few years older than them, while the other looked to be about their same age. Michaela let out a short groan. "What?"

"That's Dr. David Lewis, Mother's first choice of a husband for me." She glanced up at Sully to see his jaw tense. "And his brother John. John recently returned home from an overseas trip to Europe. He was gone for a few years for his studies." Sully nodded slowly.

"Ah, Michaela," David said, crossing the room, while his younger brother lingered by the hors d'oeuvres. "You look positively radiant." He bypassed Sully and immediately went for her hand, kissing her knuckles softly. Michaela blushed, glancing at Sully, and she pulled her hand back.

"Thank you, David. I appreciate your being here."

"I can't believe you're getting married," he chuckled, shaking his head. "Well, I suppose it had to happen sometime. Won't you introduce me to the lucky man?" David stood tall and proud as he looked at Sully, who just eyed him. For a brief moment, Michaela caught sight of a silent battle going on between the two, and her suspicions were confirmed, when she felt Sully take her hand and give it a gentle squeeze.

"Dr. David Lewis, this is Byron Sully."

"Mr. Sully. It's nice to meet you," David said with a nod, shaking his hand firmly.

"You too."

"Michaela's a good woman. We've been friends for a long time, so I do expect you have her best interests at heart?"

"David," Michaela said sternly.

"'Course I do," Sully replied. "She deserves the best." Michaela blushed again, and David cleared his throat.

"Michaela, I'm going to go catch up with your father. Why don't you go say hello to John? He's a bit awkward. Apparently being amongst the European royals has somehow managed to give him a high opinion of himself. He seems to think he doesn't need to speak to anyone. Still, you might want to say hello. He'll be going off to New York soon. Apparently Boston's not big enough for him." He laughed, shaking his head and went off to find Josef. Michaela nodded toward John, and she and Sully walked over to him.

"John?" The young man turned a bit stiffly to smile at Michaela. Upon seeing her, he cleared his throat, his face growing a bit red for a moment, before he actually spoke, looking down at the floor like a foolish boy trying to court the Queen.

"Ah, Miss…sorry, Dr. Quinn, now, isn't it?"

"Yes," she smiled. "How are you, John?"

"A bit sad."

"Why's that?"

"Because this lucky fellow managed to win your heart before I had the chance to steal it." He smiled awkwardly, glancing toward the direction his brother had gone in. Then, he glanced at Sully who seemed both mildly and awkwardly amused.

"Well, Sully and I appreciate that you came. We'll be leaving in two days."

"Going off into the wilderness? Well, that certainly sounds like the Michaela Quinn I remember." Michaela found the young man to be quite strange. He'd always been a bit backward as a boy, but it was painfully awkward now, watching his face flush red as he stumbled over his words, barely able to look up at her.

Sully could already tell the young man was fond of her, but he knew that _he_ was the one that, in just one more day, would be lucky enough to call her his bride.

"What are you talking about?" Michaela asked, breaking through Sully's thoughts. John laughed.

"You're the one who always wanted to go on adventures. You always got us into trouble."

"Surely you're mistaken," Michaela said with a slight laugh. "I'm the one who was always being tattled on for running and getting my clothes all dirty. I wonder who might have been the culprit in that?" John smiled, holding up his hands.

"Guilty as charged," he said with a glance toward Sully. "You're getting quite a woman, Mr. Sully." Sully pulled his arm around Michaela again, and she looked up at him with surprise.

"Yep, I know." Michaela couldn't help but smile at Sully's actions. When John walked away, Michaela pulled away from him.

"Sully, are you alright?"

"I'm alright. Sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"It's alright," she assured him, placing her hand on his arm. "Come on. The other guests will be here soon." Sully reached out and took her hand, and their eyes locked for a moment. He smiled at her reassuringly, and she smiled back before they turned toward the front door together.

This was all very new to both of them, and for being engaged to marry out of convenience, they were already beginning to feel the excitement of newly married life. Though, it wasn't supposed to be like this, was it? It wasn't supposed to feel romantic. But both Michaela and Sully were already feeling the effects of each other's glimpses and smiles. Added to their growing feelings for one another, both had the sneaking suspicion that this marriage of convenience might end up meaning something much more to each of them.

* * *

"You look beautiful, Michaela," Rebecca beamed, as Michaela stood in front of the mirror in her room. The dress was Rebecca's old wedding dress, only taken in a couple of inches and altered to be more "Michaela" in style. It was pure white with lace embroidered here and there. Her hair was done up, much like it was the night before, and she was slipping on her sister's pearl necklace. "I can't believe my little sister is getting married! You must be so excited, Michaela." Michaela smiled nervously, examining herself in the mirror.

"Yes. I am." She swallowed hard, trying to calm her nerves and settle her stomach. Rebecca glanced over at her sister, realizing she must be having pre-wedding jitters.

"You do love Mr. Sully, don't you?" Michaela glanced up at her. Her mouth went dry. What was she supposed to say? Could she truly say it out loud? Well, she was marrying the man, but they had never told each other those words, and she wasn't certain they ever would. "Michaela?" Michaela blushed, looking in the mirror.

"Of course I love him. More than...more than I could ever say." Rebecca smiled, not realizing that Michaela had just admitted how she truly felt about Sully to herself for the very first time.

"Well," Rebecca said, working on the finishing touches of Michaela's veil, "I can't believe you didn't tell me you two were courting!"

"Rebecca, it all happened so fast," Michaela said quietly, smoothing out the fabric against her stomach. She saw the slightest hint of a bulge, and she closed her eyes, taking a shaky breath.

"I know, but we've always been so close. I was very surprised to hear about the engagement."

"It was a…a spur of the moment decision," Michaela pointed out. "It's important that we marry now." Rebecca eyed her sister.

"Why now?" Michaela sighed and shook her head.

"How much longer?" Rebecca frowned, but she headed to the door.

"I'll go ask." She left the room, uncertain about her sister's strange responses. She and Michaela had always been close, like two peas in a pod. Of course, they didn't get to spend as much time together now that Rebecca had a family of her own, but still, she had to admit she'd been a little hurt to find out her sister was engaged to a man she'd never met before, and she'd had no idea they had fallen for one another so fast.

"Mother?" Elizabeth was standing on the landing, arranging the flower garlands that had been woven around the oak banisters.

"Hmm?" Elizabeth asked, preoccupied.

"How much longer?"

"We're waiting for the organist. Tell Michaela it will be about five more minutes." Rebecca nodded. "Five more minutes…" The eldest Quinn daughter could hear the sadness in her mother's voice.

"Mother? What's the matter?"

"Oh, Rebecca, you already know how I feel about this wedding."

"Yes, I do, but Mother, Michaela loves him." Elizabeth scoffed mildly. "You don't think so?"

"Oh, no I believe Michaela has fallen in love with him, but I think it's for the wrong reasons."

"Wrong reasons?"

"She feels safe with him. She feels like he's the only man that will ever want her."

"Why would you say something like that?" Elizabeth realized that Rebecca probably hadn't heard the news, and she knew better than to spout off about it like she had before.

"She's a woman doctor. Not many men want to deal with that type of a woman. Headstrong and independent."

"Mr. Sully doesn't seem to mind."

"No," Elizabeth sighed, "he doesn't. But she's going away, Rebecca. Oh, perhaps you can talk some sense into her."

"Mother! Michaela's getting married in less than five minutes."

"Please. I've begged her. I've yelled. I've cried. I don't know what else to do, Rebecca. She needs to stay in Boston with her family." Rebecca frowned deeply, knowing her mother simply didn't want to see her youngest daughter go off into the world, especially when the rest of her children had stayed so close to home.

"Mother, I can't do that. She looks so happy in there. I just can't advise her to not marry him. She should be happy, Mother, and Mr. Sully makes her happy." Elizabeth was silent now, and she watched Rebecca slip back into Michaela's room to tell her it was almost time.

When she returned to her, however, Michaela was on the verge of tears.

"Michaela, what is it? Oh, dear." She hurried over to hug her sister. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Michaela whispered. "I'm just…I…"

"Michaela, what's wrong? I know something's going on. I know it."

"I'm fine," Michaela assured her. "It's just…one of those days." Rebecca placed her hands on Michaela's shoulders, and she looked into her eyes.

"Do you want me to get Sully?"

"No. No." She shook her head. "I'll be fine." She looked down.

"Look at me." When she had her sister's full attention, Rebecca smiled. "You're marrying the man you love today. You're starting a new life together. That's bound to be a scary thing. But Michaela, this is your chance. You're going off into the world and starting a career all for yourself. He'll be at your side for support the whole time." Michaela nodded, her tears falling while a smile crept across her face.

"Yes, he will be. I know he will."

"Is there anything you want to know? Any advice I can give you?" Michaela shook her head.

"No. I…I don't know." Michaela took a deep breath and glanced in the mirror, dabbing at her eyes to dry up the tears. Rebecca nodded.

"Are you certain you're ready for this? If you're not, I can…"

"No, I'm ready," Michaela assured her. "Like you said, I'm marrying the man I love. What else could I ask for?" With a deep breath, Michaela pushed all of her troubles out of her mind and focused her attention on walking down the aisle and becoming Sully's wife.

* * *

The heavy, oak double doors opened with the quietest creak, and the guests—all seated from the Quinn parlor all the way to back of the foyer, turned their attention to Michaela. Her eyes were focused up at the front toward the man holding the Bible and then to Sully, standing there looking slightly uncomfortable in the suit he'd been given. But he had a smile on his face and gave her a secretive nod, letting her know that he was there for her, and he wasn't going anywhere.

She let out a breath, as the organist began the wedding march. Her father met her at the door, linking her arm through his. He looked so proud to the unsuspecting guest, but both Michaela and Sully could see that this was a bittersweet moment for him. The walk up the aisle wasn't very long, but Michaela barely remembered it, as her gaze was completely frozen on Sully. It wasn't until she'd reached the end of the aisle and turned to face her almost-husband that she saw her mother make a display by standing and walking off. Feeling hurt that her own mother was making such a terrible gesture, Michaela felt her strong façade she'd put on for the public begin to crumble. But with a kiss on the cheek from her father and a squeeze of the hands from Sully, Michaela found the courage to go on.

Michaela tried not to think about anything else during the ceremony, but it was difficult. Sully could see in her eyes that she was distracted, but he couldn't blame her. She had a lot on her mind. During a brief pause, he leaned in close to her.

"We don't gotta do this," he assured her. She just met his gaze with her own and nodded.

"I know." She gave him a reassuring smile and squeezed his hands. Feeling certain that this was what she wanted, he stepped back a little, and the wedding continued on without anyone knowing of the bride's distracting thoughts.

Michaela's gaze traveled down to their hands, as Sully slipped the dainty gold band onto her finger. And in a moment, six words to seal the deal were uttered. "You may now kiss the bride." Michaela blinked back the tears, and Sully, uncertain of how he should go about this kiss, leaned in slowly and placed a soft kiss to her lips, pulling back after only a moment. Michaela's lips tingled, her heart raced, and he could feel her trembling as he held her hands.

Within a moment, they were being presented as husband and wife, and they were heading down the aisle to the sound of the organ, women sniffling and drying their eyes, and most folks clapping their congratulations to the new husband and wife.

It had all gone by in a blur, and by the time Michaela and Sully stood alone in the back hall, waiting for the time to re-enter and be received by their guests, it felt as if only moments had passed since she was upstairs trying to gather her emotions. She looked up at her best friend, her husband, and the tears flowed fresh down her face. He pulled her close, kissing her forehead.

"You ok?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"You're sure about this?"

"Of course," she nodded. "It's done. We're married." He smiled, nodding.

"We sure are. You ready to go back in there?" She shook her head.

"My mother left."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"She's never going to accept this. It's what's best. It's what's right." Sully nodded. He heard the certainty in her voice. Still, he felt terrible that her mother had walked out on her like that. "If she can't support me through this, I suppose she can't support me in anything else. That's something we'll both have to live with, I suppose."

"Hey, hey," he reminded her, "you're not alone. I'm always gonna be here for you. That's what friends are for." Michaela nodded, and he could tell that her resolve was crumbling still. He pulled her into another embrace, resting his chin carefully atop her head, as she held him tight, closing her eyes, blocking out the tears. A wedding day was supposed to be the happiest day of any woman's life, but now, Michaela felt rejected by her own mother more than she'd ever been before. She was so thankful to have Sully in her life, but without words, her mother had cut her deeper than she'd ever been able to before.

"Thank you, Sully," she whispered. "I don't know what I'd do without you." He smiled a little, pulling back and gently tilting her face upward.

"You don't ever gotta worry about that, ok?" Michaela nodded, her tears making those big, beautiful eyes sparkle brighter than before. He couldn't help himself, she looked so beautiful. Slowly, he leaned down, catching the sound of a swift intake of breath from Michaela, and he pressed his lips lightly against hers, lingering longer than their first kiss as husband and wife. The feeling of her soft lips against his made him want this even more, but he knew that if he lingered too long, he'd only frighten her away.

Michaela's fears screamed at her to push him away, but she couldn't. Feeling his kindness and his warmth flowing through her was reassuring. His breath against her face as she closed her eyes, letting him kiss her, letting herself feel what it was like for a man to respect a woman; to really want to kiss her for no reason other than affection sent chills down her spine, but not the kind she'd been so used to lately. For one moment, her fears melted away, and she let herself feel the love she had for this man.

When he pulled back, she opened her eyes to look into his. For a moment, she saw such desire for her, but he pulled back, as if he was ashamed.

"Sully?"

"I'm sorry, Michaela. I got carried away, and…" Michaela shook her head, not certain if she should feel appreciative of his understanding or angry at his apologies for kissing her.

"Don't apologize," she said gently. "I…I didn't push you away." She blushed, wondering if it was wrong to feel like this so soon. She boldly reached up, caressing his cheek. "You don't have to be afraid." Her fingers trembled against his face, and he covered her hand with his. "I don't want to be afraid, Sully. You make me feel safe, so please…please don't apologize." She wanted to say so much more, and even though this was their wedding day, something was holding her back. He was holding back too, but they didn't have time to think about it or say anything else, because the doors opened again, and Michaela and Sully were greeted by two long lines. Josef stood at the front with Rebecca. Michaela immediately threw her arms around her father.

"Thank you, Father," Michaela whispered. "Thank you for understanding that this is what I need. This is what's best."

"I love you, Mike." He hugged her, trying not to squeeze too tightly, and when she pulled away, Josef reached out and first shook Sully's hand and then drew him into a hug, patting him on the back. "You take care of her."

"I will, Sir."

Josef reached up, cupping Michaela's cheek. "I'll talk to your mother. Please, excuse me." Michaela nodded sadly and watched as her father headed up the stairs to confront his wife. Michaela's gaze lingered on her father's retreating form, but she was soon distracted by Rebecca pulling her into a sisterly embrace.

_Thanks for the support and feedback so far! Please let me know what you thought of Chapter 10! :)_


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

By the time Josef got up the stairs, Elizabeth had already changed out of her wedding attire and was sitting in bed reading a book. Josef stood in the doorway, silent and still, his eyes fixated on her alone. She knew he was there, but she knew that the moment she looked up from her reading, Josef would tell her how horrible of a person she was for walking out on their daughter's wedding.

Josef realized Elizabeth was going to be even more stubborn than usual, so without saying a word, he changed into something more comfortable as well, though he still had every intention of going down and wishing his daughter and son-in-law well. Michaela and Sully would be staying at the Quinn home that night and leaving early in the morning for the train station.

By the time he was ready to go back down the stairs, Elizabeth still hadn't looked up from her book, and Josef was boiling mad now.

"You're not even going to come down?"

"Josef, I'm hardly dressed for the occasion." Her blasé answer suggested she was refusing to go say goodbye to strangers they'd met on the street.

"That's nice, Elizabeth. That's really nice," Josef said, shaking his head. "I thought I understood you, Lizzie. But I guess I was wrong."

"You do understand me, Josef. I just…"

"No, I don't think so. The woman I thought you were never would have walked out on her own daughter's wedding, no matter how much she disagreed with it. You didn't see the look on Mike's face when they were pronounced man and wife. It was as if all of the sadness and pain from the last month disappeared for a fleeting moment, and she was truly happy."

"How can she be happy, Josef? She was raped, for God's sakes!" Josef clenched his jaw.

"I don't know, Elizabeth. I ask myself every day how she can pull herself through this, but she is, and it seems to be working. She can't stop living life because of what some…some bastard did to her! If she lets herself wallow in the sadness and the pain she feels, he wins."

"She shouldn't have married that man! He's not going to make her happy."

"If you haven't figured out after all these years that money doesn't make her happy, then you don't know our daughter at all."

"How would I?" Elizabeth asked. "She's always gone to you for everything. She never let me in, except for this one instance."

"And you should have realized that it was her reaching out to you, wanting you to understand. But you couldn't see past your petty idea of what marriage should be. You're too selfish to worry about what Michaela really wants and needs! You only care about yourself!" He shook his head. "I'm going to tell them good night, and then I'll be in my study. I have a big surgery to read up on for tomorrow. If I grow tired, I'll sleep on the sofa." He turned and shut the door angrily behind him, leaving Elizabeth alone with her reading, tears in her eyes. Why could nobody ever see that all she wanted was to know that when she left this life, all of her children would be taken care of? What could Mr. Sully possibly do to insure that?

* * *

The Quinn house on Beacon Hill was silent. Michaela had gone up to bed after her father had retired to his study, because they had a long day ahead of them tomorrow. But, she couldn't sleep. Martha had made up her bed to be comfortable to Sully, but he had already decided to sleep elsewhere as to not make his new bride uncomfortable. This wasn't supposed to be like that.

Still, Michaela had slipped into the gown that Rebecca had purchased for her. It was long and silky white. She felt silly wearing it, knowing that the purpose was to allure her new husband, and she couldn't do that. Still, it was an expensive gift from her sister, and it went well with a shawl that she was able to drape over her shoulders to shield herself from his gaze.

She couldn't sleep. She had lain in bed and tossed and turned for the longest time before getting up, wrapping the shawl around herself, and heading down the stairs to get a drink of milk. However, the glow of firelight from the parlor lured her in that direction. Padding barefoot across the marble floor, she bit her lip when she peered into what earlier that day had been their wedding chapel. Now, Sully stood in front of the hearth, his arms folded in front of him, peering into the flames, thinking.

"Sully?" She hadn't meant to call out to him. She hadn't wanted him to know she was there. But seeing him standing there thinking like that had gotten the best of her curiosity. Sully turned at the sound of her voice, and the moment he saw her standing before him—a vision in white—he was stunned into stillness. Michaela blushed, noticing that his eyes were appreciating her body, clad in the wedding present from Rebecca. Michaela tightened the shawl around her shoulders.

"Thought you were sleepin'," Sully said quietly.

"I couldn't," she replied. "I…I have too much on my mind."

"Nervous about tomorrow?"

"Among other things," she replied apprehensively.

"Come in…come sit with me a while….if ya want." Michaela hesitated in the doorway, but she nodded. What was the harm, really? She came in and sat down in one of the large, wing-backed chairs in front of the fire. Sully sat in the other. Michaela watched the flames dance and reach upward into the darkness of the chimney. Sully watched her. He couldn't help himself. She'd let her hair down, and it was still wavy from all of the curls it had been put up in earlier.

"What?" she asked, blushing. Sully quickly averted his gaze to something across the room.

"Nothin'," he replied.

"I can…I can change," she said, feeling self-conscious and extremely foolish. She started to stand, but he reached for her hand.

"Ya don't have to."

"I think I should." Their eyes locked for a moment, and Michaela slowly sat down. Sully wondered if perhaps his new bride was nervous due to his kissing her after the wedding was over. He knew that he needed to allay her fears right now.

"When I kissed ya earlier…I was…well, I guess I got swept up in everything, ya know?" Michaela stared at him. "I'm not apologizin'. I mean, I wanted to kiss ya. I guess I just didn't think, and…"

"And I told you not to worry about it," she assured him. "If I hadn't wanted you to kiss me, I wouldn't have let you." She froze again. She couldn't believe she'd just said that to him. Why did it have to be so complicated? They'd gone into this as friends, knowing exactly what they would and wouldn't do, but now, they were married, and all of her life her mother had told her that a wife's duty was to please her husband. Was it still, even if they'd made these arrangements? She'd seen the desirous look in Sully's eyes, and then she'd seen him trying to quell those feelings the moment he realized that she'd noticed.

"Michaela, ya know I don't…I don't expect nothin' from ya."

"Nothing?" Michaela asked.

"'Course not. I thought we talked about this." Michaela nodded and sat back in the chair a ways. She studied him, wondering if he really wanted to live like this without the most intimate of relationships a husband and wife could have.

She certainly wasn't sure she was physically ready for anything like that. The thought of anyone touching her or looking at her at her most vulnerable state frightened her, physically. But her heart was ready for so much more, when she looked into those eyes she felt unafraid. She felt wanted. But she had to remind herself to take a step back. This man was her friend. Surely she was only confused. Surely he didn't feel those things for her.

No matter what she felt for him, she couldn't make him love her. She couldn't make him want a marriage based on love and not convenience.

"Sully, I…I want you to know how grateful I am to you."

"You've told me," he assured her, reaching over and gently caressing the back of her hand. Michaela sighed softly.

"You don't understand," she whispered. Sully glanced at her quizzically.

"What do ya mean?"

"I mean…I know this isn't the typical marriage. I know that you only married me to help me. But I feel as if…as if I owe you…" Sully stood quickly, and Michaela feared she'd upset him.

"Michaela, ya don't owe me anything. 'Specially not that. I could never ask ya to…" She thought back to everything she'd been taught, and the words that flew out of her mouth next burned like acid.

"You're my husband. You have that right." Sully was incredulous.

"You think that's what this is about?"

"Well, no, not in this case. It's just that…in marriages, the woman's supposed to…"

"Michaela," Sully said, moving back to the hearth, turning to face her. "I…I don't know what you think marriage is, but I would never try to control ya or make ya share my bed." Michaela looked away. "After what you've been through, ya shouldn't even need to think about it."

"I can't help it," she cried, feeling ashamed of herself. Sully knelt down in front of her chair. "I look at you and I feel these things I haven't felt before. I don't know if I should feel them." Tears began to flow again, and she wondered if she'd ever run out of them.

Sully swallowed hard, his mouth growing dry. He gently placed his hands on Michaela's shoulders, rubbing them sympathetically.

"Sully, I'm so confused. I'm so…so afraid of…of being afraid the rest of my life. I feel as if…as if everything is moving on around me, and I'm stuck in this…this moment that will torture me for the rest of my life." She was shaking now. "I've only known this as fear and pain. I've never known it as…as anything else."

"Michaela, what are ya sayin'?"

"I'm saying," she whispered, looking down. "I'm saying that I don't want to be afraid anymore. I want to know that it doesn't have to be the way it was." He knew what she was saying now, and as much as he wanted to tell her he could give her that, he knew that if he were to make love to her, he'd never want to let go. He'd want her in his arms forever, and he didn't want to scare her.

"Michaela, I think we should get some sleep. We got a long day tomorrow." Sully went to stand, but she tugged him back down before her, her eyes full of desperation.

"I'm so frightened, Sully. I don't want to be. But I feel…I feel alone."

"You ain't alone," he said tenderly, as he felt her hands on either side of his face.

"I look at you and I see that. I feel it. But when I'm alone, when I think about it, I feel that fear gripping me again. I can't fight it. It's pulling me under, and I don't know how to stop it."

"You can. You can fight it," he urged her. "You just gotta tell yourself that you're safe. You're safe here."

"I feel safe with you." In a move that surprised both herself and Sully, Michaela pulled herself out of the chair to kneel with Sully on the floor. Her hands moved from his face to his neck, and then she snaked her arms around him, making him shudder with desire. But his head was telling him not to let this continue. She was frightened and wanted to feel safe, but this wasn't the way.

"Michaela, what're you doin'?"

"I want you to know how much I…" The words wouldn't come. They were locked up inside of her, and he could see the hesitation in her eyes. "I don't want to be afraid anymore. I want you to show me it can be different…" Her words were becoming even more desperate now. Her entire body was on edge. She was so emotional, and her body was paying the price for it.

"Hey," he whispered, as he placed his hands on either side of her waist. "I'd be honored to be the man to do that for ya, but…"

"But what?" she asked. "You…you don't want me?" Her worst fears were beginning to materialize—the fear of no man wanting her after all of this—and she began to brace herself for his reply. The flood of tears broke his heart, and he pulled her to him.

"That ain't it, Michaela. Any man would be blind to look at you and…and not physically ache to be with you. But I don't want ya doin' something' you're not ready for."

"I want to be ready," she whispered. "Please, Sully." She wasn't thinking clearly, and he knew that, but as she drew her lips nearer to his, he was overcome by those desires again. He knew it was wrong to want her so badly right now, but he couldn't help himself. When she brushed her mouth against his, softly at first and then kissed his cheek, he struggled for restraint. And then she whispered into his ear, "Please. Please, hold me." He closed his eyes, feeling her press her lips against his ear and then pull back to kiss him fully on the mouth. Sully moaned softly, as she pressed into him, and he opened up to her, reciprocating the intense kiss.

His hands moved into her hair, feeling the silky tresses against his trembling fingertips. He gathered her into his arms, standing up with her, holding onto her for dear life. As much as she needed him, he found himself needing her more by the second. His heart wanted nothing more than to love her and for her to love him in return, and he gathered her up into his arms, carrying her up the stairs and to their wedding bed.

* * *

He lay her back on the bed, watching her look up at him with such trust in her eyes. She was shivering, and he was too, but she was reaching for him, wanting to face her fears and know what this was supposed to feel like; what it should feel like.

Her shawl had fallen off as soon as they'd entered the room, and she was lying before him, her breasts heaving against the silky fabric of her gown. He could see the faintest hint of the bruise she'd once had, and it hurt to even look at it. He crawled over her, lightly pressing his lips to hers before trailing down to her neck and then to the valley between her breasts, tenderly placing feather-light kisses on the discolored, healing flesh.

Michaela closed her eyes, feeling the way his touches were so gentle and loving, not rough and bruising. She sucked in a sharp breath, as he cupped a breast and kissed her through the thin fabric of the gown. She felt stirrings in her body she'd never felt before; things she had recently feared she'd never have the chance to feel. Still, the fear was there. She was trying to hold it down, fight it with the strength of her being that she knew was there but had only been hiding for all this time.

"Sully," she whimpered softly, her voice still raw from crying. He kissed his way back up to her soft lips. His breath caressed her face like a gentle breeze, and she felt so loved. Her arms wrapped around him, holding him, praying this would break her from the prison her heart had been trapped into. She felt his arousal pressing against her, and she arched her back, feeling his hands moving across her sides, being careful, still.

She drew in another sharp breath, and Sully pulled back a little.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

"Yes," she nodded, tears still slipping out. As he moved to kiss her again, his knee nudged one of her parted thighs. The bruise, still a bit sore, sent a pain through her, and she let out a little cry. He saw her face screw up in discomfort, and it sent him reeling. He quickly moved away from the bed, his body recovering from what had almost happened, while his pulse continued to race. Michaela sat up on the bed, and she stared anxiously at Sully.

"Sully…I…you didn't hurt me. I…I'm still bruised, and…" Sully pulled his fingers through his hair, breathing deeply.

"I thought…I don't know…I'm sorry…" Michaela sighed heavily, slamming her fist into the mattress. Sully sat down in Michaela's vanity chair, and he tried to relax a little.

"I'm so embarrassed…"

"You don't have anything to be embarrassed about. I…I guess I just got carried away again."

"You? You tried to talk some sense into me." She covered her face with her hands. "And I just threw myself at you like that."

"Hey," he whispered, "I would've gladly kept goin', but I want ya to be sure you're ready." Michaela couldn't believe this man's generosity. Everything she'd learned about marriage had been that a woman should wait for the man to come to her and that she should submit. But once they'd started, he hadn't exactly told her to stop. He hadn't gotten angry at her for her boldness. And now he was assuring her that it didn't have to happen right now, and there was the promise on his lips that it _would _happen someday.

Sully was soon able to walk freely without the discomfort of his arousal, and he slowly sat down next to her on the bed, taking her hand.

"I shoulda been honest with ya."

"What?" Michaela asked, blinking back her drying tears. Sully gently traced his fingers over hers.

"I've cared about ya…as a lot more than a friend for a while now." He stared deep into her eyes, praying he'd see a positive response rather than a negative. But she just sat there, staring at him, trying to figure out what to say. So he went on. "The minute ya told me what happened to ya, I sort've shut myself off. I tried to control it. I wanted ya in my life, and if it was just as friends, that was better than nothin'." He shook his head. "I shoulda told ya before I married ya."

"I should have told _you_," Michaela replied. "You've been so wonderful to me, Sully. After the rape, you were the only person that didn't try to tell me what I should do or shouldn't do. You just listened, and you were there for me, and it made me care for you even more. I made up my mind that you had to be in my life. I don't know what I'd do without you. I…I don't know how to explain these feelings." She did, but the idea of saying them aloud, and the fear of him not saying it back was too frightening.

"Me neither," he said with a nervous shrug.

"I just want you to know," she said slowly, "you won't hurt me. I think you're the only man that never could." She squeezed his hand, and he leaned in to softly kiss her. When he pulled back, she rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm lucky to have you as my husband."

"Nah," he whispered, "I'm the lucky one." He wrapped his arms safely around her, rocking her gently. It was growing late, and Michaela yawned, resting against him. "I should go." He started to move, but she held onto him.

"Please stay?" He looked down into her eyes, and he gently brushed his thumb across her cheek, catching a stray tear. Her eyes were shimmering, big and beautiful. He couldn't say no. Besides, he wanted to hold her as close to him as he could. All he needed was to have her close and know she was safe in his arms.

"Alright," he breathed. "I'll stay." Lying back in the bed, they held onto one another. Sully adjusted himself, putting a bigger pillow under his head, while Michaela made his chest her own pillow. He felt her chest rising and falling against his, and the beat of his heart lulled her closer to sleep. For a long while, he lay there, staring up at the ceiling as he caressed her long, soft hair. Soon, his own eyes felt heavy, and he let the sweet release of sleep begin to wash over him, knowing that all was well, and the woman he loved was wrapped securely in his embrace.

Before he drifted off, he gave her a gentle squeeze. "I love you," he whispered into the night. Her eyes fluttered open at those words. She'd been on the brink of sleep, but she was certain she'd heard it. Swallowing the fear that came with those three words, she took the plunge.

"I love you too." She felt Sully tense. Now she knew he'd thought she was asleep. She slowly turned her face toward his, and they stared at one another in the moonlight-bathed room. He knew that she was blushing, even though he couldn't see the flush in her face. Smiling, he brushed his thumb along her cheek, feeling her soft skin against his hand. She smiled back, putting her head against his chest once more, tightening her arms around him. His hands moved to rest on her back, and they fell asleep in a lover's embrace.

_Thanks for the feedback! Please keep it coming! Thank you!_


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

It was an early morning for the Quinn family. Harrison, Josef and Sully were loading luggage into the carriage outside, while Michaela went around her bedroom, packing up last minute things she might need on the train. In one hand was her medical bag, and in the other was her book of Emerson poems.

Michaela hadn't seen or spoken to her mother since the wedding. She was still deeply hurt that she'd gotten up and walked out. Thankfully, nobody at the reception had made any mention, though there were curious whispers and sidelong glances of wonderment.

She finished the last sweep of her room and headed over to the window, throwing open the curtains to greet the beautiful morning. Her stomach was a bit unsettled, and she was uncertain as to if it was because of nerves of morning sickness. Still, the sunlight pouring in onto her face made her feel a little better. She looked down to see Martha working in the garden, and the maid gave a little wave up when she saw her. Michaela smiled, waving back. Martha and Harrison were just like family to her, so leaving them wasn't easy either. But, this was best for her, for her family, and for her career. She was sure of it.

She picked up her things again and left her bedroom. She closed the door behind her, and the lock clicked loudly into place. She started down the hall and stopped abruptly in front of her parents' door. She was so angry that she strongly considered walking away without saying a word. But she knew she'd never forgive herself if she didn't try to patch things up with her mother, though she wasn't certain things could ever be repaired after what had happened at the wedding.

Frowning and chewing her lower lip, she placed her belongings down and gently rapped at the door. She didn't get an answer, but she knew Elizabeth was up. She turned the knob and opened the door a little, peeking in. Elizabeth was seated in a chair near the bay window, holding her knitting needles and a spool of yarn.

"Mother?" Elizabeth briefly looked up and then returned to her knitting. Michaela wondered how the very woman who'd brought her into the world, given her life, and raised her to be the woman she was today, could turn so cold against her. It made her wonder for a moment what kind of mother she was going to make. She silently made a vow to herself to never turn her back on her children as her mother had done to her. "I'm leaving now, Mother."

"Oh?" Elizabeth asked, her hands keeping busy with the needles. "You have everything you need?"

"Almost," Michaela replied quietly. Elizabeth said nothing.

"Mike?" came Josef's voice from the foyer. Michaela stepped back down into the hall and looked over the banister. "As much as I don't want you to go, if we don't get going in five minutes you'll miss your train."

"I'll be right down," Michaela called. She turned back to her mother's room. Stepping closer to her, Michaela folded her arms. "You hurt me yesterday. Walking out of my wedding? I know Sully wouldn't have been your first _or_ last choice for me, Mother, but I chose him, because I love him." Elizabeth snapped her gaze up toward her daughter.

"You know nothing about loving a man, Michaela! You've never experienced it! You've just thrown your life away to settle for that man, because you feel no man will ever look at you again. You didn't see the way John Lewis was looking at you the other night."

"Mother, I don't want to be with John _or_ David." She shook her head. "I'm not arguing with you anymore over this. I chose the man that I want to spend my life with."

"Until you realize he's a bum with nothing to offer."

"Stop it, Mother!" Michaela warned angrily. "You don't know him, and that's not my fault or Sully's. You never gave him a chance." She shook her head. "You left my wedding, Mother. I needed you there. If not to support my decision to marry Sully, just to support me, your daughter!" Elizabeth went back to her knitting, and Michaela's blood boiled. "You must really hate me, Mother. I might not have a mother that cares for me, but now I have a husband that does."

"Hate you? Michaela, if I hated you, I would support your decision to throw your life away. I'm sorry, but the only way I can show you how much I love you is trying to show you the error of your ways. You won't listen. It's out of my hands."

"Yes, it is," Michaela replied. She looked at the clock. "I have to go."

"Have a safe trip," Elizabeth said quietly. "You'll certainly get to wherever you're going on the money your father's giving you and Mr. Sully." Elizabeth didn't make a move to give her daughter a hug. No, doing that would show that she was caving in. The women of this family were stubborn. Elizabeth was no exception. She could be hard and cruel, even when she was trying to do what she thought was right.

With tears in her eyes, Michaela turned away from her.

"I'm sorry you can't accept my choices, Mother. I hope one day you can." With that, she walked off, leaving her mother to her knitting and her thoughts. As soon as she heard the front door slam, Elizabeth rushed downstairs to the front window and watched as the carriage pulled off, taking her daughter away from her, and she realized then that she might never see her again.

* * *

While the luggage was being loaded onto the train, Josef held onto his daughter, not ready to let go.

"Mike, promise me you'll take care of yourself."

"I promise. And you do the same."

"You'll write?"

"Yes. And I'll send telegrams. I'll check in at every possible moment." Josef sighed and finally let her go.

"Let me look at you." He held her out at arms' length and shook his head.

"My little Mike's a lady now."

"I have been for quite some time."

"I know, but…but you're a woman of the world now. You will be anyway. You're going to go to great places, Mike. I just know it."

"You've always believed in me. You're my inspiration. You're the reason I'm a doctor today; the reason I'm taking my medicine where it's needed. You've always encouraged me to help those who need helping."

"I know you want to help people, Mike, but right now, you need to focus on yourself alone." He slowly reached out, placing his hand on her stomach. Michaela flinched. This was the first time anybody had really made an effort to connect with the child like that. "You have your reasons for doing what you're doing. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but the moment you hold that child, you're not going to see what happened. You're going to see everything good in him. You'll see his grandpa's eyes, or you'll see his mother's smile. He's going to be all you. I just know it." Michaela's lower lip was trembling now, and she hugged her father again, closing her eyes as hot tears stung the backs of her lids.

"I love you, Father."

"I love you too, Mike." He kissed the top of her head and gave her another squeeze. "Now go on. Go to your husband." Michaela nodded, and she started to walk away, her hand lingering in her father's for a few seconds longer, before she finally pulled away and moved toward Sully on the platform.

Josef extended his hand and shook Sully's firmly. "Remember what I said."

"I'll take care of her. I promise. I'd never let anything happen to her." He placed his arm around her.

"We'll take care of each other," Michaela assured her father. "We're going to be fine." Josef nodded, trying to hold back his emotions. He watched his youngest daughter board the train with her new husband, and when they took to their compartments, Michaela sat next to the window, staring out at the place she'd once called home.

Josef caught sight of his daughter, and he gave her a reassuring smile, waving toward the window. Michaela smiled sadly, waving at her father as she felt the train shudder. In a moment, the train lurched forward, and finally, it began sputtering down the tracks, away from the station. In moments, her father's white-bearded face was just a blur, as tears clung to her eyelashes, and soon, he was just as peck in the distance, before the train rounded a bend and the depot and her father disappeared from sight.

She turned away from the window, and Sully reached for her hand.

"You ok?" She nodded.

"I'll be alright," she replied. She was holding it all in, and he wrapped his arm around her. She turned to rest her head on his shoulder and covered her mouth with her hand. He felt her shoulders shaking against his, and he consoled her with a caress of his hand against her arm. No words could be said to take away this new feeling of leaving Boston and leaving behind everyone she knew.

"We're gonna be alright, Michaela. We've got each other now." She nodded, and she closed her eyes, placing her hand against his chest, feeling his reassuring heartbeat. They were encompassed in darkness for a moment, as they passed through a tunnel. Sully held onto her, kissing her cheek softly, stroking her soft, auburn hair. Her breath caught in her chest, but when they passed out of the darkness and into the sunny stretch of land that went on for miles and miles, Michaela relaxed in his arms.

* * *

The next evening, Michaela and Sully entered a large hotel room. They were switching trains, and theirs wouldn't be in until nine o'clock in the morning. They had asked room service for someone to come to the door at eight to wake them, so they wouldn't be late.

They'd had dinner down in the lobby, both quiet and sleepy, so by the time they got up to their room, they were both exhausted. The setting sun was shining brightly through the window, so Sully hurried over to close them. Michaela yawned and shut the door before sitting down on the bed.

She yawned, and Sully glanced over at her. She stared down at her wedding band, gently turning it around and around her finger. He smiled a little and sat down next to her on the bed.

"You ok?"

"Yes. Just a little tired." Sully nodded, wrapping an arm around her. She smiled, taking a deep breath. "It's so much quieter here." They'd been used to the creaking of the train compartment for the last day, and the sounds of steel against steel as they coasted over the land.

"We ought to rest," Sully suggested.

"Hmm," she mused with a nod, tilting her face up toward his. She smiled, and he lay back on the covers. She lay in his arms, her head upon his chest. They'd lay like this the night before on the train. It had already become routine for her to sleep in his arms, where she was safe and where he felt he could most protect her. It was comfortable; natural.

After their confessions to one another on their wedding night, Michaela's mind was still a bit dazed. She had often wondered if she'd dreamed it all. But when she would look into his eyes, she'd see the love there. Still, she wanted to hear it again. She wanted to make sure she wasn't crazy and that he truly loved her as he said he had.

A sigh escaped her lips, and Sully could hear it. The feel of her lying against him was amazing. There was so much more he wanted, but his own fears got in the way. Michaela had gone so quickly from being his friend to the woman he loved; his wife. She was everything to him, and it was a powerful feeling, knowing that it was possible to love someone so much that his entire body ached just to touch her. It was another powerful feeling entirely to know that he had to control himself for her. He had to wait until she was ready, and there was no telling when that would be. She was going to have to convince him entirely before he could truly show her the depth of his feelings for her.

They lay in silence for a while, but neither slept. Michaela was too busy thinking about everything in her life that was about to change, and Sully couldn't stop thinking about how quickly their relationship had progressed. He wasn't regretting any of it, but it all seemed too good to be true. He had the love of his life lying in his arms. What more could he ask for?

Michaela yawned, stretched and relaxed against him again. She gently caressed his arm, feeling his strength there. She heard him suck in a breath and felt his body shiver at her caresses.

Looking up at him with questioning eyes, she saw he'd closed his eyes and was trying hard to not react to her touches. She felt guilty, but at the same time, she felt such peace when she looked at him lying at her side.

"Sully?" He opened his eyes, seeing her lips so close to his.

"Hmm?"

"Thank you," she whispered. He reached up, tenderly cupping her face in his hand. The pain and sadness in her eyes had disappeared for now, and all that replaced it was such amazing love. "The other night…what you said?" Sully felt his face growing red.

"I meant it."

"So did I," Michaela assured him. "I've never been so certain of anything, but I know it's true." She bit her lower lip. "Would you…" She blushed, everything she'd been taught about relating to men screaming at her to not be so bold. But with Sully, she didn't have to be afraid. "Would you say it again?" Sully smiled at her need for reassurance, and he gathered her close, bringing his lips a breath apart from hers. He could practically taste her kiss already.

"Michaela, I love you." With a trembling smile, Michaela closed her eyes and leaned in, pressing her lips against his in the sweetest of kisses. When she pulled back, she brushed the curls out of his face.

"I love you too." She met his lips again, breaking through her fear completely for the first time. She felt safer now than she had in a long time. She was in the arms of the man she loved. Her body ached for him; her heart ached for him even more. His hands rested on her waist, and he felt his body reacting to her kisses; to her touches.

"Michaela…Michaela…" he said softly, "what're you doin'?"

"I need you to know how much I love you."

"You don't…"

"I'm afraid, Sully," she whispered. She couldn't lie to him. "I'm so afraid. But I know you'd never hurt me." Every part of her being was shaking, but he saw it in her eyes. She wanted this. She wanted him to make love to her. She wanted him to show her that it could feel right; it could be everything that a stranger in an alley had tried to show her it wasn't.

Reaching up, he ran his fingers through her hair. He wanted this so badly. He wanted to hold her and kiss her and be one with her, but the thought of hurting her; of scaring her, was too much.

"I can't," he whispered. "I don't wanna hurt you." He started to sit up, but Michaela pressed her lips against his again, as her arms moved around his neck.

"I want to know what it's like, Sully. I need you to show me." Her face was flushed, but her eyes were full of certainty; of need. "I need you. You know I need you." Her words were hot puffs of air against his already kiss-swollen lips. She kissed him again, letting him know she was honest. Her heart pounded against her chest, and Sully could feel it.

"You're really sure? You…"

"Yes," she breathed. "I need you. I need you so much." He gently rolled her onto her back on the bed, pressing soft kisses to her cheeks and to her eyelids, kissing away her tears.

"I never want ya to be scared. If ya want me to stop, just tell me, and I will." Michaela's heart swelled at his compassion and his desire for her to be happy. "Promise me you'll let me know." She nodded, stroking his face, feeling the beginnings of stubble scraping her fingertips. The musky scent of him sent chills through her body, and she bit her bottom lip.

"I promise," she breathed, closing her eyes, as his hands slowly began to work at the laces on her dress. She began to unbutton his shirt, pulling it open to softly kiss his chest, letting him know she wanted this. She needed this to happen. She couldn't spend the rest of her life afraid.

"We'll take it ever so easy." Michaela smiled up at him in adoration, feeling her body being overtaken by her need to be with him, her desire to know what he could make her feel like by loving her, body and soul.

"I know," she whispered. They fumbled nervously with one another's buttons, an unending gaze between them assuring them each step of the way. When her exposed body lay before him, he marveled at her beauty, kissing her softly in the spots he knew she still ached as if to tell her he'd take the ache away. His hands explored her, and his movements encouraged her to explore him, feeling the muscles of his back as he moved over her. She moved her fingers through his hair, as he softly suckled at the hollow of her neck. He was nurturing her body with his kisses, and she felt lighter than air.

She never dreamed it could feel like this. And as he grew ready for her, she could feel him pressing into her. She bit her lip nervously, and when she saw the questions in his eyes, she smiled, nodding, urging him on. Her face, flushed with pink, was soon showered in his caresses and his gentle kisses. She tried hard to muffle her moans, as his hands and lips and tongue tenderly explored her breasts, sending sparks through her that she'd never felt. How could an act she'd only experienced as pain and violence once before now be something so tender and heartfelt?

She knew the moment his fingers brushed across her thigh, that making love with this man was going to be something she'd never forget; something to show her that it wasn't all bad. Sometimes, it was very, very good.

Everything she'd been taught from her horrible experience was reversed in a moment of pure pleasure. Slight discomfort was nothing compared to the immense joy she felt as she gazed into her best friend's eyes; her husband's eyes. She held onto him, and he was gentle with her, showing her that all that mattered was their love for one another.

It was a whirlwind romance; a backward one at that, but it was right. She'd lived her life by routine and schedule, but being with Sully was freeing. It freed her from restraint, from fear, from the grasp a faceless, brown-eyed stranger had had on her for too long. Now she was free. Now she was his, and he was hers.

Afterward, he held her, and they were both trembling in each other's arms. Her fingers gently circled the damp flesh of his chest, and he closed his eyes, reveling in her touch.

"I never knew it could be like this," she whispered, closing her eyes. He kissed the top of her head, softly whispering into her ear a promise that it would only get better from there.

_Thanks for the continued support and feedback! Please let me know what you think!_


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Josef had gone straight to the hospital after dropping Michaela and Sully off at the train station. He'd worked all day and night until it grew too late to concentrate. He'd slept in his office and then risen to work again the next morning. Now it was late, and he'd just arrived on the front porch steps of his home on Beacon Hill. He knew Elizabeth would be angry, demanding to know where he'd been. He hadn't the energy to argue with her. He was too angry to argue with her. How could she just let her daughter leave without trying to make amends? He knew they hadn't reached any type of reconciliation when Michaela had come down to the carriage looking on the verge of tears.

He walked into the dark house, knowing that it was far too late for even Harrison and Martha to be roaming about. The only sound was that from the ticking clock on the mantle in the parlor. He put his coat, hat and medical bag in the closet and started his ascent up the stairs. Bracing himself for a confrontation, he opened up the bedroom door and walked in. It was completely dark, so he struck a match and lit a bedside lamp. He was surprised to see the bed made without a wrinkle in the sheets. There on his pillow lay a single piece of paper.

Adjusting his glasses on his nose, Josef sat down on the edge of bed and began to read.

_Dear Josef,_

_I've gone to my sister Lucy's home in North Carolina. I don't know when I'll be home. I feel as if I need to stay away for a while. I know you're angry with me for the way I've behaved, but I stand by my reluctance to accept Michaela's marriage to Mr. Sully. She's my daughter, and I want what's best for her, but I do not see how this marriage is going to bring anything good into her life, especially with her going out into the middle of nowhere with him. _

_I know you've always taken her side, and I know that was your way of showing support, but Josef, I would appreciate your being on my side just once. It hurts to know that I'll never be first in your life. So, I will write when I've arrived in North Carolina. I can't make any guarantees about the timing of my return. You'll hear from me soon._

_Elizabeth_

* * *

Michaela lay wrapped in the bed sheets, her sleepy gaze directed at Sully's face. He had fallen asleep an hour ago. It was late, and she was certain they wouldn't get a full night's sleep. But it had been worth it. For a while, she'd forgotten all about one of her biggest reasons for leaving Boston. She'd been completely happy wrapped in the arms of her husband, finally able to show her love for him, and in turn, let him help her discover how wonderful making love could be.

She closed her eyes, remembering how amazing Sully had been. He was patient and careful, but he knew how to make her feel so wonderful. The way he looked at her; the way he moved around her body, kissing and caressing her, had encouraged her to explore him. She'd found a sensitive spot on his neck that drove him wild when she kissed him there. She had blushed at first at the moan that had escaped him, but soon, she realized it was something he really enjoyed, and she was beginning to understand what made him tick; what drove him to the edge and encouraged him to return the favor.

Chewing on her lower lip, she thought about a lot of things. She thought about the child she was carrying and about what was going to happen when they finally settled down. She knew Sully was going to make an incredible father, and she hoped that that would make up for her own insecurities about being a mother. Something felt odd, however. It almost didn't feel real. It felt as if being pregnant was all this was ever going to amount to. She still couldn't visualize this child. She couldn't see herself as a mother just yet. She knew the shock had worn off already, but it didn't feel that way. It was all very foreign to her.

The smile returned to her face when Sully's eyes opened slowly. He smiled in return when he saw her gorgeous grin.

"How long you been watchin' me?"

"Oh, about an hour," she whispered, her fingertips gently tracing his jaw line. Sully chuckled, taking that hand in his and pressing it to his lips. She blushed, as he softly suckled her fingertip.

"You look beautiful," he whispered.

"I feel beautiful," she breathed. She felt a little silly, but he made her feel so light and carefree. She couldn't help it. She wasn't going to feel bad about being so happy anymore. She was going to embrace it. She had something to truly live for now, and she wasn't going to let anything get in her way anymore.

"You're ok?"

"Yes." She nodded and rolled onto her back, stretching out. The sheet slipped down her, and Sully gazed at the swell of her breast for only a moment before she covered herself and smiled, blushing again.

She turned back to lie facing him. Sully held his hand up, and she linked her fingers with his. Smiling tiredly, she scooted closer to him. He leaned his, kissing her forehead softly.

"Good," he breathed. "I always want ya to feel happy."

"I do right now," she promised. Sully nodded, leaning his forehead against hers.

"If ya ever start to feel scared, or…or somethin' like that, you can always talk to me." Michaela sighed, nodding.

"I know. You're so good to me." She rewarded him with a kiss. He smiled against her lips, moving his hands under the covers and around her back, sending a thrill of excitement through her body.

"I still can't believe it, Michaela. I can't believe we're here…"

"In this hotel?" she asked.

"No," he chuckled into her hair. "I mean…us…right here…together. I never thought it'd happen. I mean, I…I thought about it, but I didn't think a woman like you'd ever want a man like me."

"I proved you wrong," Michaela replied, snuggling up against him.

"Ya sure did."

"Sully, there's no other man in my life who can do what you've done for me. You just know me…here." She placed her hand over her heart. "I would have been a fool to have not recognized the strength you've given to me."

"You're just as strong without me." She shook her head.

"No. You've given me something…something very powerful. It's freedom, Sully. It's the ability to love and trust and be with somebody when I didn't think any of that would ever happen for me. I owe you so much."

"No," he assured her. "Ya don't owe me nothin'. I'll just be happy if I can spend the rest of my life makin' you happy." He looked down. "That's all I want."

"Really?" She bit her lower lip, grinning.

"Yep," he said with a nod. "I wanna build you the nicest house there is. I wanna grow old with you. I wanna watch you nurse our babies. I wanna watch them grow and play." Michaela's heart melted at Sully's dreams of the future. He made everything sound like a dream, and it made this journey feel almost magical, despite the circumstances that had brought them together. "That sound alright?"

"It sounds amazing, Sully," she whispered softly against his lips, kissing him again. When she pulled back, she let out a soft yawn, and Sully chuckled, shaking his head. "We should sleep." Michaela nodded, kissing his cheek.

"I know," she whispered. But instead of pulling away and rolling over to sleep, she kissed him again, this time with more passion than before, and Sully hungrily opened up to her once again.

* * *

The next morning, Michaela and Sully settled into their new compartment. Sully put Michaela's medical bag under their seats, as well as the rest of their carry on things. They'd checked with the station, making sure to account for all of the things they were bringing with them. They still hadn't settled on a destination, but at the depot, they'd heard of supplies being in great need out in Colorado Springs. They'd both considered it silently to themselves, but neither had brought it up to the other yet. They would keep going until they'd found the place that felt the most right to them. Neither knew quite where that might be, but they were eager to continue on.

"You comfortable?" Sully asked her, as he closed the compartment door. He and Michaela sat across from one another, both propping their legs up on the opposite seat. Michaela just smiled at him, her eyes shining happily.

"Yes," she replied, her face flushed. Sully smiled back at her. All he wanted to do was take her into his arms and kiss her, but the train lurched forward and started off, and the compartment car wobbled a little before a steady speed set in on the tracks.

Michaela stared across at her husband, grateful for everything he'd shown her; everything she'd learned from him. It wasn't hard to see a bright future. She wasn't naïve enough to think that she was suddenly cured of all fears and worries. She was going to live with what had happened to her for the rest of her life. But having Sully there was like a sign from God that life went on. There was happiness at the end of what had been a dark, terrifying spiral toward self-seclusion and loneliness. Sully had always been there for her, and she knew he'd stay. This was no longer a marriage of convenience. The more she thought about it, the more she realized it never really had been.

After a little while, Michaela was tired of staring out at the land as it passed by so quickly, so she pulled the shade and moved across the compartment. She stumbled as the train jolted, and Sully quickly caught her before she could fall.

"Michaela, are you alright?"

"Yes," she assured him, holding her stomach. She sat down next to him, placing her feet up next to his. Sully had just pulled out his little book of poetry out.

"Would you read to me?" she asked. Sully tensed a little, remembering the last time he'd read her a poem. But she just smiled at him. "Anything," she said quietly.

"Really?" he asked, concerned.

"Anything," she repeated. She lay back against the seat, as Sully paged through the book. He glanced at her once in a while to see her closing her eyes, a beautiful smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. He took her hand in his.

"Alright," he said, clearing his throat. "How about this one?" He began to read, and Michaela watched him with fascination, studying the way he smiled when he read a line he especially liked, frowning when he read something that didn't make much since to him. His blue eyes were mesmerized by the fluidity of the words, and his curiosity about these poems made her love him even more, if it was possible.

She stretched out in her seat, watching him as he read, the softness of his words soothing her to the point of complete relaxation. With one hand clasped in Sully's, her other moved to the faint bulge of her stomach. She closed her eyes, and soon, his voice lulled her into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

A pair of brown eyes watched from three compartments down. They were no longer visible, as the shades had been pulled, but he could imagine what was going on behind those doors. He could imagine her weeping in his arms after he read her a sappy poem. He could see her falling into his embrace, letting him try to wash away the memories of that one night.

Smiling to himself, he remembered. Yawning, he shut the shades to his compartment too, insuring he wouldn't be accidentally spotted by his beautiful little project for the entirety of the journey. He smiled, shaking his head, as he opened up his journal and began to write.

_I long to feel her body against mine again. I long to hear her screaming, begging me to stop. She's a fighter, but she's too strong for a woman. She needs to be taught a lesson. I want to teach her. I want her to know she'll never escape me, no matter how far she runs. I'll always be there. She's mine._

**The End of Part 1  
Part 2, coming soon**

_Author's Note: Thank you all for your continued support and feedback! This is the end of Part 1. Look for Part 2 coming soon!_


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